Rogue Txt: A Star Wars Story [#Wattys2017]

Spittin' Out Dem Lyrics

Remember last chapter where there was no ship fighting? Yeah? Well, we're back to the normal stuff.

For this chapter, there are two things that I am going to waste your time telling you and preventing you from getting to the chapter quicker.

1. If you do not know what ERB is, you are missing out. Their Deadpool vs. Boba Fett rap is above.

2. I wish I knew Riz Ahmed personally because I cannot rap so sue me.

I don't own anything.
========================================
Jyn Erso: Jassian!

Bodhi Rook: Pilot²!

Jyn Erso: JASSIAN

Bodhi Rook: PILOT²

Jyn Erso: JASSIAN!!!

Bodhi Rook: PILOT²!!!!!!!

Cassian Andor: Here we go again...

Jyn Erso: Argh! This battle between ships is never going to end

Bodhi Rook: WE SHALL HAVE TO END IT SOME WAY

Jyn Erso: Like a battle?

Bodhi Rook: A rap battle!

Jyn Erso: Oh, I'd love to but I don't want to make you cry from your easy defeat

Bodhi Rook: Please. I've known how to rap since I was in the womb. It's you I don't want to see crying

K-2SO: I THINK THIS CALLS FOR AN EPIC RAP BATTLE!!

Cassian Andor: And the readers will be the judges!

Cassian Andor: Tell you what? Let's do this!

Jyn Erso: Yeah!

Bodhi Rook: It's on!

K-2SO: Alright! You have two minutes to come up with some material. GO!

[*Spongbob voice* Two minutes later...]

K-2SO: EPPPIIICCC RAP BATTLES OF ROGUE TXT!!!

K-2SO: JYN ERSO AND JASSIAN

K-2SO: VERSUS

K-2SO: BODHI ROOK AND PILOT²

K-2SO: BEGIN!! *drops sick beat*

Jyn Erso: Come on, Bodhi. Really? Is this fight even fair?
I have more than enough proof to show that Jassian wins, not Pilot².
But I'll play along. I'll take you up on this challenge.
I'll burn your gay ship in the garbage when this battle ends.

I may be the girl but you'll be the damsel in distress,
When I marry Cassian and leave you in a rejected mess.
Tally all my ship's flaws if you want, but my results are already in.
The more perfect ship between the two is Cassian and Jyn.

Bodhi Rook: He lied. He lied to you. He went to kill your father.
Yet you still want to date that scruffy-looking nerf herder?
I won't give in that easily. You'll have to reason 'til you're sick
Yeah, why don't you make things easy and go back to your Jynnic?

Cassian! Without me you'd have no real reason to recruit Jyn
I am the reason Rogue 6 exist 'cuz I carried the message from Galen!
Just because you two died together doesn't make Jassian canon.
Most of the shipping support comes from inside the fanon.

Jyn Erso: Fanon? Heh! Like you have enough fan support to gloat!
The only support you have is from r5ft and AriStoat!
I've got the whole fandom behind me, dozens of readers to back my words, son.
The ship may not be true canon but it was the central romance for Rogue One.

You got my Papa's message, but Cass and I lead the mission.
Your true role in the Scarif battle was just a last resort addition.
To me, it seems the only way you'll know Jassian is right
Is if you accept the fact that Pilot² is a load of reekshite.

Bodhi Rook: You want more proof your ship's a spoof? Just watch Rogue One and see
Ezra Bridger had more screen time than you two had chemistry.
It won't be long before Cass will be dating me and Pilot² will rise above your head
But that won't be hard, you so damn short, date R2 cause he's more your size instead.

So you rallied the whole fandom? Good job, go rally more.
The only consent that I'll ever need is that of the book's author.
Yeah, The real Jassian belongs to Cassian and Jabba
Ersandor will sink faster than Krennic took to kill yo mamma.

K-2SO: WHO WON?!? YOU DECIDE!!

Cassian Andor: OOh! I wanna say this part!

Cassian Andor: EEEEEPPPPPIIIICCCCCC. RAP. BATTLES OF ROGUE TXT!!!!
=====================================
Who do you think took this battle? Was it Jyn and Jassian or Bodhi and Pilot²?

AriStoat_SK please let me know if I'm pronouncing your name wrong in this chapter. Also, I'm sorry if I left out anyone else who ships Pilot².

READER AND ROGUE SIGN-UPS ON MY MESSAGE BOARDS!! Head there if you want to read yourself interacting with the Rogue One crew.

Please review! And feel free to tell me that I suck at rapping because I will 97% agree with you (the last 3% is actually impressed that I actually tried because this idea has been floating in my head for a long time).