This one isn't the best but I'm not feeling the best. I drink a lot of coffee and during winter and autumn I'm really lactose intolerant sooo...yeah I'm not feeling too good. Thanks for dealing with me, guys.
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It was getting harder and harder to hold back the strange feelings I was getting from Chris. As time went on, though I got better, something was holding me back. The fear of Chris kicking me out once I was completely well horrified me. I didn't like my grandparents that much and they refused to tell me where my parents were. Chris was all I wanted.
'(Y/n), are you ready to try having a shower?' Chris poked his head into my room, gazing upon me and my tracksuit pants with skulls on the butt. My shirt was just a thin tank top which showed off my sensitive skin. I let my eyes wander in his direction, taking in some of his new tattoos and slightly trimmed hair that was barely an inch shorter than it was. I nodded and shut the book I was reading before slipping out of bed. 'You don't have to do it today...'
'...it's fine.' I slipped off my shirt and shucked it onto the floor as I stepped into the bathroom, where I was met with already running water. 'Is it hot or cold?'
'Cold...I thought that'd be better to start off with.' I thanked Chris and listened as she approached me, his breathing erratic at the sight of my bare skin. 'Should I leave you?' By that point, I was already beginning to freak out. Just watching a spray or water frightened me. My bones locked their position, my mind began to shut down, but by arm was moving towards the thing I feared most. I looked down, noticing Chris had my hand on top of his. 'Come on, you're fine...I promise you're fine...' He continued to reassure my as my fingertips brushed against the cold water. I shut my eyes and let my mind wander to the feeling of being cut open by slashes of boiling water. I remembered all of it. I hung on, however. I pushed through because Chris needed me to. My whole hand was under the water, and I began to feel Chris' chest press against my bare back. 'How're you feeling?'
'...scared...'
'Did you want to stop now?'
'...' He took that as a yes and turned the water off before I could really begin to panic.
'You did really well...'
'Yeah...' I was beginning to feel my heartbeat double, but it wasn't because of the water anymore. Something else was just getting into my head. 'Going to bed...' I muttered, picking my shirt up off the bathroom floor. I immediately noticed that it was incredibly damp, the water from the shower must've splashed onto it. With a loud sigh, I carried the shirt back into my room and dropped it into my washing basket. Opening my drawer, I frowned at the realisation that I had no shirts left. I muttered a soft "fuck" to myself and thought about my lack of washing and what the best course of action would be. I took a few seconds, then crept out of my room and towards Chris' room. With a small knock, I stepped into his room and crossed my arms over my torso. 'Don't have shirts...' I muttered, taking in the sight of him lying on his back, twiddling his thumbs awkwardly. Somehow, he made it look attractive. His eyes wandered over to me and my face began to feel hot. I was so confused as to why my cheeks kept burning red at the sight of him.
'Did you want to wear one of mine?'
I nodded.
He silently got up from his spot and crept to his dresser, pulling out a plain black top that was way too big for me. Neither of us cared, however and I slipped it on the very moment he handed it to me. 'Thank you...'
I turned around to leave his room but was quickly halted by Chris. '(Y-Y/n)?' He stuttered, taking a step towards me. I barely turned my head to look back at him, only staring through my peripherals.
'...yes?'
'I...nothing. Sorry.'
I scribbled across the cheap notebook I had bought, angry at myself for not even being able to write a stupid letter. I leaned back on my bed, gripping the black pencil so hard that it snapped in two. 'Fucking hell...' I grumbled at myself, throwing the two halves across the room and grabbing another pencil from beside my bed. I felt like a teenager again, writing love letters but every time I tried to tell (Y/n) how I felt I chickened out. It was an uncomfortable cycle of me about to explain myself but then telling her it was nothing. After everything, the trauma especially, I couldn't just say some stupid words.
It was past 2:00 am when (Y/n) burst into my room, her knees clinking together as they shook and tears spilling from her tired eyes. I forgot all about what I was writing and dashed over to her as she slammed the door behind her and locked it hurriedly. 'What's wrong? (Y/n) what happened?'
'S-Someone...watching me...d-don't wanna go back...' It was blatantly obvious that she was paranoid. She was diagnosed with PTSD and Paranoia delusions, which frequently caused her to believe things and see people that weren't there. She crouched down in front of the door and gripped her own hair tightly, panic dropping off her cheeks in the form of tears. I calmly plucked her off of the wooden floor and carried her over to my bed, gently setting her down on my pillow.
'I'll go look around, okay?'
She said nothing, only shaking her head. I wasn't sure what she wanted. She didn't want me to leave her, I knew that but if not then what did she need? 'Did you...want to sleep in my bed?'
Nod.
'Okay, I'll sleep on the-'
'No...with me...' She cut me off, quickly reaching forward and gripping my wrist. There was no way I could sleep in the same bed as (Y/n). Even when we were in a cell I could barley handle it. We would hold each other to keep warm but she wanted to lay in bed with me and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'd start trying to cradle her like a baby or I'd kiss her!
'(Y-Y/n), I don't think I...' She began to stare up at me, eyes still shrink-wrapped in tears but this time she was doing the sad puppy eyes.
Just say no.
Chris, just say no.
Come on, Chris.
'...okay...'
Good fucking going there, Chris! Now after tonight she'll never look at you again. Congratu-fucking-lations!
I signed to myself and slipped back into my bed beside her, forgetting all about the scribbled notepad which had already slipped off the bed. (Y/n) immediately snuggled up to me, forgetting all about our previous discomfort towards each other. She was so cold, I'm surprised she hadn't died of hypothermia. It was like she had been sitting in a freezer her whole life. 'Why're you so cold?'
'I-I don't...know...I feel...like a serpent...j-just wandering around...c-cold blood running under my skin...' I couldn't help but love her voice when she spoke words like those. She was such an incredibly poetic person, finding hidden meaning and description in everything. I loved her so much. 'My eyes feel frozen in my skull...'
'Have you at least calmed down from your hallucination?'
'...yes...yes I think so...I'm sorry for intruding...I can...leave if you wish...' Before she could wiggle out of my bed, I wrapped my arms around her, forcing her to stay. I wasn't thinking again.
'No.'
'Okay.'
