In Love With My Mobster Best Friend (mxmxm)

THIRTEEN: CHAINS

Media: Chains – Nick Jonas (Lyric Video)

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Coe's POV

I was jobless.

To be honest, it didn't really surprise me. As usual, Jared did whatever he wanted. He quit my job on my behalf, declaring that it was not safe for me to work there anymore, because my brother and his friends could find me again easily. I didn't say a word about it. I didn't say a word to him. When he added that he had already been thinking of asking me to stop work because he didn't want his enemies or business associates to get their hands on me, I couldn't help a pang in my chest. I don't know how to feel about him at the moment.

I was trapped.

Again, Jared had decided, all on his own, that apart from Heath and himself, no one else was allowed to get in or out of the house. That included me. He had guards, apparently, to watch the doors. The building manager was also tasked with the job to make sure that I do not leave the building. Smart of him, because if I had my way, I would run away and never come back. What was left here for me anyway? Apart from an over controlling brute that did things the way he wanted, when he wanted. A brute that forgot when I asked for help.

I was bedridden.

Or should I say confined to my bed? I could walk, don't get me wrong. I can limp anywhere in this house if I wanted to. But there was a doctor that will be activated the moment I decide to step out of my room. In fact, I'm quite sure Jared had sensors placed under my carpet. Even going to the washroom felt monitored since the smallest of motions from me sends Jared or Heath into my room, asking if I needed any help, or anything. I don't know how they manage it. This house is not that poorly insulated.

I was miserable.

I was completely and utterly depressed. I'd admit it now. I thought I had been angry with Jared, and in physical pain from the beating, hence the tears. But I think it's safe to say now, with all the quiet time I had to myself, I've come to a conclusion that I was getting depressed. Isolated and depressed.

I did it to myself, I guess, somewhat. I couldn't bring myself to talk to Jared, not even when he's being civil and caring, asking about how I felt and if I needed anything. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't because just hearing his voice in the distance, or his footsteps up the stairs towards my bedroom sent my emotions into a whirling mess, and I would end up crying again.

God help me. I was a man, for Christ's sake. Why can't I keep it together for just one day?

Shit. Damn it.

I could feel tears forming in my eyes again and I forced myself into an upright position, praying like hell that I wouldn't give into my thoughts and my stupid emotions again. I pulled my knees to my chest, resting my elbows on my knees as I buried my face in my hands. Damn it.

How long can I keep doing this?

How long can I keep staying here?

How long can I keep doing things the way Jared wants things done?

How long more can I keep loving Jared?

Fuck.

Now that I was jobless and spending every waking and sleeping moment in this house, going nowhere, meeting no one, having no friends, I don't know how long I'd last before I'll drive myself nuts. What was I supposed to do with my life now?