In Love With My Mobster Best Friend (mxmxm)

FOURTEEN: TRYING

Media: Hate (I Really Don't Like You) – Plain White T's

∞

Coe's POV

Days passed.

I still haven't spoken a word to Jared. I think I deserve a trophy for that.

I was doing pretty well, considering I was going up against the Jared Jackson. That man was tenacious and he knew just what buttons to press with me to make me go weak. With every chance he had to make me crack, he took advantage of it and pushed me beyond what I was comfortable with, and I had on several occasions almost gave in and spoke to him. But despite doing everything he could to annoy me, he knew exactly when and where to draw the line to stop before he knows I will not take his nonsense anymore. He knew how to read me, how to stop his tactics right before I blow up in his face for being an annoying, obstinate ass.

I know though, it was only time before I forget how angry and hurt I was by his actions. Well, his lack of actions.

Right now, I know Jared already could feel that he had won half the battle against me. He already managed to draw black stares from me now, and despite not being ready to forgive him. I know I was getting weak, and fast.

Damn it all. I know I am allowed to be angry at Jared for a long time, perhaps never forgive him ever. But this man, he just disarms me with his smile and a soft look on his eyes. It makes me consider that I only really need a few more days of seething and self-pity. Some time to heal, then maybe I'll be alright again. Maybe I won't forget what happened, and I'll use it against Jared for a long time coming, but I'll forgive him, somehow.

I only wished that Jared could just say the words 'I'm sorry'. If he could say them, I would probably forgive him in a heartbeat. No, I would forgive him in a breath because I know just how difficult and rare it was for him to even utter those words. It may even be impossible. But still. I think the situation warrants an apology from him, right? I wasn't asking for much. Not even if it was something much for Jared.

What am I thinking? Who cared about Jared's feelings when mine was broken and all over the place. Get your shit together, Coe Parker. If you keep being considerate for Jared, you're going to fall all over again and you don't know for sure he'll be there to catch you even if he promised. Fool.

I let out a breath.

I haven't told Jared, I mean, I haven't been actually speaking to him, so he wouldn't know, not from me. But I've actually started talking to Heath. Secretly of course. Only when Jared wasn't in the house. I think Heath has been holding back from telling Jared that I was already speaking to him. On one hand, I'm sure it was out of self-preservation: God only knows how Jared would react if Heath managed to draw a word out of me first, and not Jared.

On the other hand, I think Heath was being understanding towards the reason why I was keeping my silence around Jared. I think he knows that while it was a punishment of sorts that I was dealing to Jared, I needed to do this. I didn't have any other way that I could retaliate, and it wasn't even a small incident that had happened. I could have, possibly, lost my life. And Jared really shouldn't make promises he couldn't keep.

I shook my head. I didn't want to think about it. Bits and pieces of my memory of my assault had already returned, mostly in the form of my nightmares. I already had to suffer them when I fall asleep, I hate to think about any of it voluntarily in the day time when I am wide awake.

I sighed again, watching Heath frown at his laptop, before he reached out to grab his coffee and took a long swig of it.

We were both in the living room. I was tired of being cooped up in my room, and Jared was out and would not return until late at night. As long as I am sure that I would not have to encounter Jared, I very much liked to spend time downstairs, where there was the television, the kitchen, and strangely enough, Heath.