In Love With My Mobster Best Friend (mxmxm)

THIRTY-ONE: REVERT

Media: Muddy Waters - LP
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Coe's POV

I stood nervously at the kitchen island, watching the spiral stairs intently as I sipped on my morning tea. 

My head was spinning slightly and I could probably attribute it to the fact that I had little to no sleep last night. That, and the lack of any food to consume this morning. Jared's fridge is empty. I was running low on my bodily resources, and I could say that the only thing that was keeping me going, was the waves of anxiety that was fuelling my jitters. 

Jared would be coming down from those steps any time now. It would be our first interaction since we kissed. A part of me wanted to smile in anticipation of the conversations that would be exchanged between us both, but another part of me, the self-preserving part of me reminded myself that this could go completely out of control. 

I barely had any sleep last night, dividing my thoughts between Jared and Heath erratically. I was still at a loss, trying to figure out what I truly wanted out of Jared and Heath, what I wanted for myself. I was frazzled bundle of nerves to say the least. 

On one hand, I didn't want to disappoint Heath and his feelings for me, but I have to  see where this goes with Jared. Well, I don't have to, but, I'd like to? I sound like a two-timing asshole. 

My heart squeezed tightly and I sighed at I cup the mug in my hands with both hands, thankful that the warmth seemed to be calming me a little. How do I behave now around Jared? Around Heath? Should I just give up on them both so we can spare each other the pain? Maybe that's the only thing I should do. Be the bigger man, don't damage what was good previously. 

Maybe this was all on me. We wouldn't have this problem if I didn't try to kiss Jared, didn't tell him I was in love with him. We would have been content, living our lives apart from each other, having no complications between us. 

If I had not gotten drunk and told Jared my feelings for him, I would never have ran away from here. I would never have lived with Heath. I would never have become so intimately involved with Heath. I would never have this feeling as though I was a cheat. 

We would never be here. 

I would never have to decide who to disappoint, who to hurt. I should have kept it all to myself, enduring it until I draw my last breath on my dying bed. 

My heart almost seized when I heard the familiar sounds of Jared's footsteps coming down the spiral steps. I missed this, strangely. The one month away, not hearing Jared coming down for breakfast first thing in the morning. I missed it. I didn't know how much until this moment. 

I gripped my mug impossibly tighter and licked my lips anxiously as I watched as his feet came stepping into view. I shivered where I stood at the kitchen island, suddenly remembering the kiss that we shared. My eyes darted to the spot where we were at last night, and I bit my lips to prevent myself from freaking out. 

Jared's face stepped into view, and I saw his eyes blink at me, widening for fraction of a second, before he adverted his view and looked down at his phone, tapping at it with one hand as the fingers of his other hand fluttered along the rails of the stairs as he came down.

"Morning." He muttered lowly. 

I swallowed my saliva, "M-Morning." That was totally weird Coe Parker. Act normal. Do you not know how to act normal after you had your lips completely abused last night? God, you're such an embarrassment. 

I wanted to facepalm myself. 

His eyes darted to the mug in my palms, before scanning the kitchen. The action made my heart skip beats as I wondered if he was actually looking forward to me making breakfast this morning.