ashes [m.h.] (Completed)

Chapter 38.

Song for this chapter:  Antichrist (maybe?)

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Matty's p.o.v.

My knuckles are white like snow as I grip the steering wheel with more than enough force to hurt someone. My eyes stay glued to the road as my mind runs a mile a minute.

I haven't said a word to her. Haven't given her a glance.

I hate secrets. Although I have a shıtload of them myself, I hate when others do. I don't care how fücked that sounds, it's just how it is. I let Maggie in. I let her get closer than no one else has ever been since my nana. To know she's keeping something from me feels like a knife to the chest.

Something happened last night. I knew it from the moment she stumbled into my apartment. I thought she'd tell me though. She'd let me know if something happened. But she didn't. So I went on thinking otherwise.

I pull into my usual parking space rather quickly, in a hurry to hop out and head inside. I can hear her door shut and the sound of her hurrying to catch up with me. The entire way up is no different, me leading the way silently and her following close behind with her head down.

The moment I enter my doorway I head straight for the kitchen. I reach the cabinet I haven't seem to have touched in a good minute. Old habits of mine never seem to fade.

I open it a bit forcefully, causing the old hinges to creak, echoing through the silence of the house. Bottles and bottles, all different shapes and sizes fill the space as I begin to search through them. Wine, Tequila, Jack Daniels, Vodka, Scotch, etc etc etc. What to choose, what to choose, what a hard decision to choose.

"Matty." Her voice sounds small, guilt laced throughout the sin that is my name. "Matty, please don't drink."

"Don't keep shıt from me." I spit.

"I'm not keeping anything from you, Matty I promise. I completely forgot about what happened until Mia said something. I was drunk last night, all I really remember is, well us..." She trails off. I'm sure her cheeks have redened from mentioning me fücking her senseless. I can't help grinning at thought.

Sighing, I turn to find her standing quite a distance away.

"Tell me. Just tell me what happened."

"Matty-"

"Just fücking tell me Maggie. While you still have the chance." I say through clenched teeth.

She looks down, crossing her arms over her frame like a little girl who knows she's in trouble.

"I was drunk. And I don't want to use the alcohol as an excuse but it's true. Mia and I were dancing with each other and having a good time. The usual. I told her I had to use the bathroom and she offered to tag along. We were at the mirrors fixing our makeup and she told me that she-" she stops for a second, as if contemplating telling the truth or not. "She said she likes me."

I should've expected this from Mia. Everyone in town knows how she is. No one cares that she's into girls, don't get me wrong. It's the fact that she goes around messing with every girl she comes across. I don't know why I thought it'd be different with Maggie.

"Is that all?" I press, knowing Mia isn't afraid to try something on anyone.

She doesn't say anything.

It scares me that she isn't saying anything.

"Maggie." My voice comes out a bit strained. "Did you fück her?" Anger begins to course through me because of her silence.

"No no no, Matty I swear no." She's quick to say.

"But something else happened didn't it? Didn't it!" My voice becomes louder, more demanding.

"We kissed." She nearly whispers, but hits my ears like a roar of thunder.

Silence washes over the room as I take in the new information. Seconds turn into a few minutes as we stand still, feet glued to our spots.

"Mat-"

"Do you love her?" I cut her off. I know it may sound crazy of me to ask, but I can't help my insecurities.

"No. I don't love her, Matty. I love you." She finally looks me in the eyes, and I can see the few tears littering her cheeks.

My blood boils at her words.

"You love me?" I scoff, making  my way closer to her as I speak. "You can't expect me to believe that now do you?"

I step closer, closing the space between us.

"Do you think I'm a fool? I opened up to you! I told you things I've told no one else, shared a part of me I don't show anyone." I spit, pointing at the spot on my chest where my tattoo lies. "Am I crazy or something?"

I now realize how far I've gotten, as her back hits a wall and I close the gap between us. Our faces are merely  inches apart as I stare deep into her pooling eyes.

"Why do I love you so fücking much?! I must be completely mental!" I yell right in her face.

I take in her features. Her tears have stopped, but her cheeks remain wet. Her breathing is irregular pumping through her quivering lips at a fast pace. I meet her eyes with my own. Her big beautiful brown eyes, watery with fresh tears that threaten to spill at any second. Her usual glint of wonder had vanished. Replaced by raw fear.

She's afraid of me.

She has every right to be. I backed her into a corner, holding her hostage against the wall. I've been yelling, spitting venom right in her face. Of course she's fücking afraid.

Frustration floods through me. I don't want her to hate me. It kills me to even think of her hating me.

"UGHH!" I growl loudly, frustrated as fück. I can't help my body's reaction.

My fist goes flying with all the pent up emotions in my body coursing through it. Every last drop of anger, hatred, and venom flies free as my fist comes in contact with the wall in front of me.

A fearful shriek pierces my eardrums.

I don't bother looking at the scared girl in front of me or the hole in the wall I just caused so close to her head. My eyes remain screwed shut as I utter a surprisingly calm word.

"Leave."

"Matty-" I flinch at her raspy voice.

Soon enough she frees herself from the cage I hold her in, her presence long gone as I hear the door click shut.