Inhaler Boy ((Jeffmads))

Anxiety to Ice Cream to Decisions

Anxiety to Ice Cream to Decisions (with some Gwen Stefani in between)

It was a very, very, very bad idea. I know. But, we did it. We did the it. The it was done and it was done hard and now I am in the bathroom crying on the floor. Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with me? I am insane. This was literally the worst it ever.

This isn't how you're supposed to lose your it. It's supposed to be loving and gentle not... not like that. Not how rough that was. That wasn't okay and I shouldn't have allowed it but I did allow it and now I've lost my it.

Thomas took my it.

But I didn't take his.

That's the problem.

Thomas knocks on the door. His smooth and lust filled voice asks, "Hey you've been in there awhile you alright?" I hesitate but answer, "Yeah, I'm fine."

God, that's what I always say. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. That's what I've been lying for the past... forever really. I don't think I've ever been truly fine. Now I never will be.

It wasn't rape. I don't know why I'm so upset about it. "I'm gonna go to Jentsie's, okay?" She probably takes him in perfectly. She's perfect for him. Two sluts- no, no, no don't think like that, James. Thomas is perfect. He's beautiful and worth so much he's priceless. There's nobody like him in the world because he's Thomas Jefferson. "James?" He's beautiful and funny and sarcastic and nobody could replace him. Jentsie is unique too. She's pretty and loving and sweet and has super amazing grades. She's perfect. They both are. They're perfect for each other. "JAMES!"

I stood up and unlocked the door, not bothering to check if I was okay. Thomas was looking down at his phone, not even paying attention to how I was doing.

"Jesus, James, you scared me. I'm heading to Jentsie's." He says, still not looking up from his phone. They're sending emojis back and forth. Hearts and smiles and winks littering the text bubbles. I can't help but roll my eyes and snap, "Okay. Bye."

Right when he's out of my house I slam the door and lock it. I'm tempted to call Peggy, Maria, and Burr to hang out. I've kinda started calling us broken crew. It's weird, I know. But, Alex and his friends are the revolutionary set and Thomas, James, and Jentsie are the southern motherfucking democratic republicans so I just thought we needed a name.

We were left out of our groups or kicked out one way or another... It's really stupid so it most likely won't stick a long time. I grab my phone and text her since my voice was too broken and throat was too sore to call.

Open: "Squad" chat

Sinnamonroll: Hey Jam whats up?
Boi: Hey Peggy
Boi: Can you come over?
Boi: You and Maria?
FITEMEEE: I'll be over in 10
Sinnamonroll: I'll be there in 5 hang in there ok?
Boi: I'll try thx

Now I had to text Aaron.

Open: "Anxiety what anxiety?" Chat

Okay: Hey james
NotOkay: Burr. Come over. I know you aren't doing anything important with your life right now.
Okay: I'm washing my new car.
NotOkay: YOUR NEW CAR CAN WAIT
Okay: Okay
NotOkay: Peace
Okay: see you soon

They were all here in under five minutes, leaving me silently impressed once again. Immediately we sat in the living room, avoiding the couch and of course I wouldn't tell them why.

"James, just tell us what happened okay?" Maria said, rubbing my back. Peggy was across from me while Aaron was on the right and Maria was on the left. I sniffed and wiped my eyes, getting a bit of control over my own voice.