Numbers Never End

Chapter 6

- Hinata's P.O.V - 

I hate being sick, it makes me appear weaker and make me feel weaker than I already am. It also means that people have to pretend that they worry about me, even though they just want to get one good thing in their life so that they can go to heaven instead of hell. They don't mean it, no one ever does. I'm on my own.

xXx 

After everyone went to bed, I got up and out of bed and made my shaking legs carry myself to the bathroom were I threw up anything and everything I had in my stomach which either Kageyama or Suga force fed me. 

'You're weak, you can barley stomach toast or water, this is why no one likes you! You depend on people to much, even if they don't care for you!' The voices no longer whispered nor echoed against my head, they rang, loudly and clearly. Almost as if they were yelling, yelling at me, yelling at my stupidity. 

"P-Please leave me alone..." I meekly whispered for that I all that I could managed and I didn't want to wake anyone up from me yelling at myself. 

'You can't get rid of me, I'm apart of you, you can make me quiet but I'm never gone, I'm always here. The only way to get rid of me is to kill yourself which helps everyone in the end.' The voices yelled.

Killing myself does get the voices to go away, plus no loves me so no will miss me. So it's a win-win, the voices were correct. But alas, I can't kill myself, not yet. 

Standing up I feel better after throwing up, even though I ate little to nothing. None the less I make my way back to our room to sleep. Though now that the voices are yelling, I doubt that I'll get any sleep. 

xXx 

'Wake up you son of a -' the voices started to yell before they could finish the insult directed at me, I pressed down hard on my side where the deepest cuts where. 

"S-Stop... I'm not in the mood..." I mumbled aloud. Sitting up and looking at my phone to see what time it was, 11:56, some people might already be in class or getting ready to go to class, like I should be. Maybe even some people might be at their jobs. 

Making my way downstairs I find Suga sitting at the kitchen island drinking something from a mug which I could only assume it was coffee, "Suga? What are you doing here, don't you have to go to work or a class?" 

Suga waved off my comment and turned slightly to face me. He was smiling though his eyes gave it away, they seemed somewhat dead, something bad must of happened, "Nope! I called in sick today and my classes don't start for another hour. But enough about me, I want to talk about you." 

I felt all of my blood leave my face, making seem paler than I usually am and that must of left me white as a sheet, "W-What did you need to talk about Su-Suga...? Di-Did I do something wrong?" 

"What? Oh no! You did nothing wrong,  I'm just worried about your health, you seem to have not been eating. It really shows along with the fact that you haven't been sleeping properly, whats going on?" Suga stood up and lead me to the sofa where he sat me down. 

"Nothing is wrong! I guess it's just the stress that is keeping me up!" I laughed weakly, wrapping my arms around my waist pressing down on my cuts. 

"Hinata, if you ever need something than you can just ask me." Suga smiled, rubbing my hair, messing up my already messy hair.

"I actually do have a question, but promise me that you won't tell." I ask quietly and before letting Suga speak I quickly saw my question, "Why did you invite me to Karasuno?" 

Suga seemed taken back by my question, "Hmm... It was because when you came into our practice, your eyes shined, I knew that you had a passion towards volleyball, you seemed so excited and full of life, we could all see it and we could all need a sunshine here." 

"Oh, well thank you for inviting me. Oh and S-Suga...? Every once in a while could I tell you some things that weigh be down, but please promise me that you won't tell anyone!" I look up and smiled, I smile for real. I finally found someone who cared about me.

"Of course, just tell me whatever is weighing you down and I'll help you the best I can. And I shall never tell a soul." Suga smiled at me in return. 

"Thank you." I hugged him and he hugged me in return.

'He won't care about you for lone once he finds out who you really are.' The voices spoke, though I tried to ignore them, I knew it was true. 

xXx

"Hey guys, Tsuki and I are going to go to the grocery store because we are running iut on a few things, would anyone like to come with?" Yamaguchi came up to us as we were sitting on the sofa, all of us doing our own thing. 

"I'll come, you wanna come with to Hinata?" Kageyama stood up and held out a hand to help me up.

"Sure, I could use some fresh air." I looked over at Suga who smiled and I smiled back, and then I took Kageyama's outstretched hand. 

"Great, now what would you all like for dinner, we could grab a pizza or takeout." Yamaguchi said as he put on his shoes.

"Pizza is fine, thank you!" Asahi said as we started to head out the door. 

Once we got there I was sent on a mission to go grab a pizza. But as soon as I got back I overheard Tsuki and Kageyama talking.

"Are you sure that you aren't gay?" Tsuki questioned Kageyama. I didn't know that Tuski was this blunt about these kind of things? And why did he say that like he already asked Kageyama this before, what was his answer?

"110% sure that I am not gay!" Kageyama said in return, his voice not wavering, he sounded so sure of himself...

"And you don't like Hinata?" Tsuki kept pressing on, why were they talking about me, why was I dragged into this?

"Never have, never will!" Kageyama once again spoke boldly as if he had nothing to regret.

Hearing that made my heart shatter, we weren't even together, we weren't in a relationship and yet hearing that made my heart break into tiny little pieces. Ka-Kageyama doesn't love me...?