Esperansa- (the re-write)

Well this is the first chapter of the improved Esperansa- dunno if any of you will actually read it but hey I'm putting it up anyway this chap isn't that different but the next one will be!!

Prologue

I stood in front of the floor length mirror in the early light of the days dawn , looking at an image I barely recognized..The morning light seeped through the light colored curtains. The events from the night before hadn't ever left my mind even when I'd slept, not that I would have slept if it hadn't been for my husband. Without him I had no idea how I'd have survived the last twenty-four hours, I had never before coped with the unknown. It was a scary place I had never explored before and every time I had been forced to explore it I had found myself wishing I could go back and hide under my bed where I knew I was safe.

A very different girl to the one I had seen ten years ago, and had known for the past ninety at least. This wasn't really me. The real me was thinner with bones sticking out in places where they should not naturally appear and had very short hair, which in the past had affected peoples way of perceiving myself. Now, my arms and legs showed the same weight they had in my past life but then there was the evidence.

"Al, Alice?" his voice came from behind me, his soft accented voice was full of concern. An emotion often found in it but this was different, I knew he was very worried about me, and I hated it. He worried far more than he needed to. But I would never change that part of him.

I hadn't realized I was staring at the mirror till he spoke. He woke me from my semi-conscious state, as he had been doing for as long as I cared to remember. Right now as much as I hated to admit it I really needed him.I let my head fall back against his chest. Comfort, safety and calm flooded my system. He gently stroked my hair, his eyes followed mine to the mirror. Without a single word being uttered he knew what was wrong, he always did. He gently placed his cold hand around mine, trying to give me as much comfort as he could.

I was speechless, my mind was still spinning, How was this possible? I knew how it had happened but it wasn't something I'd ever anticipated. Ten years ago I knew I would never have children; medically I was dead. Until five years ago I knew not of what it was like to be alive at all.

I knew what the cure was capable of doing, but I had no idea this was my mystery illness. I should have known the signs. I was never surprised, maybe half a dozen times in the life that I knew about. Surprises meant something was wrong, all the surprises I'd had in the past had turned out badly.

I lifted my t-shirt to the top of the slope in my skin. The slope that protected the child inside me. The child I never thought I'd be able have. I didn't know if I could do this. I had no experience with children, not really. I didn't know how to bring one up and teach it manners and remember everything a parent needs to. I knew I had my family behind be but I was still it's mother , always would be.

This was something I hadn't imagined happening, at least not yet, we had never spoken much about children after I told Jasper about Lullaby. He didn't ever bring up anything that would upset me, and as was obvious lullaby did. Eventually I found my tongue, and managed to croak out a single sentence.

"Jazz, I'm scared."

Chapter one

It had all started long before that Thursday morning in June. Three years earlier to be exact, I am a person for exactness.

It was a typical lazy day in the household. Most of the family, not including my Father, Husband and elder brother, were lounging in front of the 60inch TV. Rosalie had been flicking through channels for the past hour. Esme sat curled up in a an old armchair flicking through an old decor magazine - from the 70's I think. I was drawing, I had been thinking of a design for a new dress and this was my first chance to get it down on paper. It didn't have any particular reason for it to be worn which probably meant I would have to find one. I missed the '50's and '60's when there were dances everywhere that we used to go to. I remembered the days when Jasper and I would find all eyes on us, due to the speed and precision we used through a complex dance routine.I'm probably the only designer you'll ever meet to draw with there eyes shut. It was easier to see myself wearing it in the future, especially throughout the creating process, it meant I never had to measure anything.