ØVERTHINKING

to y o u

Dear,
   
You’re not good with words but I am a master at the art of writing them down.

I can’t get the words past my lips and you can’t get them past your ears.

I know you don’t want to hear any of this so I hope you read it instead.

Hopelessly I wish that you don’t crumple up this letter, allow it to enter your head.

I have things that I need to say. Things that I cannot say aloud.

I know, darling that you cannot deal with confrontation so all I ask is that you hear me out.

I promised you that I would always be here for you, that’s never going to change, I swear to you.

The way that I see you right now, Your downfall is approaching fast.

You don’t see it, no one ever does. That is why I am here, too warn you, when your are going too fast.

You’re on a crash course that no one can stop. Love, all we want is to help you, not hurt you.

I wish you could see my face right now, as I am writing this because I am crying and the tears are hitting against the keyboard.

I am scared love, for you. I afraid that one day you will kill yourself, because you wanted too numb the pain and you went too far.

That is your downfall.. I wish it was anything else but i can see it.

I don’t want to hurt you but i know no other way to tell you this. Other than to tell you the truth.

You are falling, love. Into this hole. Your are digging yourself deeper but at the same time you are burying yourself under all of the dirt.

All of us are holding out our hands for you too grab but you won’t reach for us, for me.

I don’t understand why, maybe one day I will..

The shit that happened in the past is only apart of it all.

Darling you have pushed me away, so far that I am scratching my way back.

You have slammed a door on me but don't think that even for a second that I am giving up now.

No.

It’s not going to happen. I won’t let it.

I promised you that you would survive this, I keep my promises love.
Always. I’m terrified.

I’m scared because I am the rock, the one that holds you up and picks you up off the floor, I don’t mind, at all..

But i’m scared because you are pushing me and everyone else away.

What do you expect us to do from miles away darling? Dying is all you want to do but you don’t realize what it will do too the rest of those you have left behind.

The family, the ones who are around you almost everyday, they would break down.

Your darling needs you, You guys hold each other up and If you fall, so does he.

Anotjer would break down if anything happened to anybody. She is fragile, much like the rest of us, but she would cry and cry and cry, all flowing out until she drowned in her own tears.

your sister, would be absolutely devastated. Crying until she couldn’t breathe, panicking until she threw up, she would be broken.

The rest, although not as close to you as the us, still care about you so much.

Not to mention every other person in your life.

So many people care and I can’t stress how much you would be missed darling.

There is no way around this. If you die, you take a piece of each and everyone of us with you.

We are a family, everyone is apart of everyone. We are together, in this forever.

Love, if you left, I would break down.

Sure I’ve had people walk away from me, leave me behind, forget about me but in comparison to your leaving this world, they are tiny and insignificant.

I would become a depressed anxious mess, (More than I already am). You cannot imagine what your death would do to us.

Watching you fall apart now if breaking us, because we don’t know how to get you back.

darling, your blurry face is showing and i’m here too help you defeat him.

I don’t care if you want to scream at me or hate me because I won’t leave you alone.

If your hate is what makes you feel again, than by all means, please take it out on me.

Scream, cry, throw things, punch me. Whatever it takes. I will make you believe that you are worth it, worth everything.

Everyone thinks that dying is romantic and beautiful, who ever said that was lying,

They were a blocked headed crouton.

Dying Isn't beautiful. All it does it leave destruction in its wake. Destruction and sadness. That’s it.

“We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is.”

He was right, we do. But that's not really what it is.

Dying is a sadness that takes hold of someone new. I hope you made it too the end of this letter,

I hope you read this and understood.

I hope you understand how much I care. I hope. I hope. I hope.
   
I wrote everything from my heart, pouring it onto the keys. I only hope that you don’t rip it apart like you do yourself…….

    With everything in my cold heart,
        ~blurry~