Randomness And Pie

Is it just me?

Warning: this post is kinda negative and it's basically just me ranting about my parents.

I was annoyed at my mom and she said "well I'm sorry your feelings are hurt." Am I the only one who thought that seemed kind of rude? Like, I was annoyed at you for making decisions that affected me without asking. This was your fault. Don't push it on me. Later when I went to talk to her about that cause I was hoping that she'd be able to understand where I was coming from and I said "when you said 'I'm sorry your feelings are hurt' I thought that was kind of rude" she looked so offended. I don't know why. It was. I wasn't yelling at her. I wasn't insulting her. I was telling her what her words seemed like to me. And my dad was in the room and he was completely on her side and kept on asking me "well what did I want her to say" and I don't know what I wanted her to say but I knew what I didn't want her to say. And right in the middle of this conversation (this whole time I've been unloading the dishwasher and my parents have been doing other stuff in the kitchen) my mom started asking my dad stuff about what he was doing, completely changing the conversation and just generally ignoring me and I was just so done I finished cleaning up and went up to my room without finishing the conversation. They just piss me off so friggen much. They don't respect me but expect me to practically worship them. (Okay I might be exaggerating a tad but you get the idea). My mom gets mad if I don't turn off my computer exactly at 9:30. My bedtime is at 10 but I have to turn off my computer at 9:30 and when I turned it off at 9:36 she got mad. It drives me crazy. They generally don't ground me cause I hardly ever do anything bad enough for them to ground me. But they still get mad at me all the time for like staying in my room to long or being moody. I'm "moody" because they are pissing me off. I stay in my room all the time cause I'd rather skype my friends then talk to them. Or it's cause I'm eating. Either eating too much or eating too many carbs or too much sugar etc etc. My mom especially is probably the main reason I have self esteem issues. Cause I've basically lived my whole life with "change your shirt it doesn't look good" "you shouldn't eat carbs at this hour" "don't eat after 8 cause you won't burn it off before you go to bed". Last night I ended up getting some chocolate chips at like 10:30 (after my mom was asleep) and it felt so rebellious which is stupid. My parents don't have many rules but those they do are usually a) kinda stupid and b) protected with a passion. If I break a rule they have they flip. Also 90% of the time in this rant I said "they" or "my parents" I actually meant my mom.

(Negative part over)

I'm sorry this post is so negative I'm just entirely done with them. I feel like by this point I'm just counting the days down till graduation when I can leave and live on my own or with friends. I can't wait till I can get my own car and just drive off whenever I feel like it. Not come home till late cause I'm out with friends or at the library or at a restaurant eating food and doing my homework. It sounds kinda stupid but that's just my dream. Everyday I'd go from school to like downtown. There's an ice cream shop that sells sorbet I can have. I'd buy some and then hang out in my car and do homework. Maybe sometimes I would buy a sandwich instead if I was really hungry at this amazing sandwich shop. On early release days I would join my friends and we'd go out somewhere to lunch or to the library or someone's house to study and work together. If it want too cold or rainy I could go to the park, there's this little hidden away area where people don't come as often and just read. And the wind would blow through the trees and sound beautiful and I would smile as I would get to a part I like. Maybe I would have friends there and we would sit in the grass talking and feeling the sun on our scalps until someone mentions playing improv games. We would play and laugh and I wouldn't come home till later. My life at home right now feels so confined. I want out.

This post was kinda weird. I haven't posted in a couple weeks then I come in with a ghost light and a 500 word rant. Thank you all for being so amazing. I don't know what I'd do without you. Remember to eat today, take you meds, try to get to sleep early cause we have school tomorrow. Drink water if you're thirsty. Remember that you are important and loved. Remember that there are people in this world that love you.

(899 words exactly XD)