First Day of My Life

Let You Run Away

He knew he shouldn't be going in there. Mickey had told him not to, but he needed to touch him, hold him, kiss him or at least try. It was too much knowing that there was only a thin wall separating them. Maybe Mickey's walls were thicker, but he was determined to break them down and endear himself to him. He wanted Mickey to feel his love down to his bones, have it fill his heart, and flow through his veins. He opened the door hesitantly, still trying to convince himself that Mickey's threats of bodily harm were empty. He watched as Mickey's figure stirred in the twin size bed, the upper half of his body covered with the navy blue comforter, leaving his calves and feet sticking out, subject to the chilly air.

"Gallagher," Mickey groaned sleepily, picking his head up off the pillow in confusion. His face was flushed pink and his eyes were weary.

"Hi," Ian whispered, standing a few feet away from the bed, afraid to move forward, thinking he may have made a mistake. He reminded himself that he'd already entered and there was no use being scared and took a step towards the bed, towards Mickey. He sat down tentatively by his feet and reached for one, "Freezing," he said softly, almost to himself as he cupped his hands around Mickey's icicle of a foot "I used to keep them so warm, remember? You'd tuck them between my legs. I never let you get cold."
Mickey moved the comforter aside, out of his line of sight, so he could look at Ian with skepticism as he continued to thaw his skin. Ian dropped the foot and went for the other, performing the same action.

"You're too cold," He told him, "Why are you so cold?" He watched as Mickey bit his bottom lip, unsure of what to do. He could feel his body shudder under his touch, "Am I warming you up yet?

"I don't know," Mickey said incredulously, "Do you think you are?"

"I hope I am," He admitted, placing his foot down gently. The room was so dark, the mood heavy, the tension thick. He could hear Mickey's breath growing shallow as he slowly crawled up the bed, resting his hands on the mattress beside each of his shoulders. They were face to face, their noses practically touching, "Can I kiss you now?" He asked, hoping the answer was different than the one he'd received earlier that night. Mickey licked his lips, leaving Ian unsure if it was subconscious reaction or an invitation, but the hand cradling the back of his head pulling him down towards him was a clear indication of what he wanted. Their lips melted together, feeling made for each other, fitting perfectly. Ian dropped to one of his elbows and rested his other hand on Mickey's soft cheek, deepening the kiss. Their tongues tangled and twisted serenely, needing to taste more than entice, "I love you," Ian breathed against his lips, "So much."

"You say it with your words," Mickey whispered back, blue eyes sad, "but you never show me."

"Showing you right now," Ian told him burying his face into his neck and inhaling him deeply.

"Not like this," Mickey opposed, moving his fingers to Ian's chin so that he could tilt his face back up and look him in the eye, "Your actions. You never choose me."

"I want to choose you, want to be better to you," Ian promised, "I'm gonna be better."

"Don't know if you can be," Mickey replied wistfully, averting his eyes and gazing towards the posters on his walls instead of looking at Ian, "Wish you could."

"Let me try. Never gonna hurt you again," He assured him. Mickey looked at him, his eyes full of hope, like he was desperate to believe him, "I mean it, Mick. I love you. I'm going to prove it to you every single day."

"What if I keep pushing you away," Mickey asked, as he pulled him closer, bringing Ian's body down flank against his own, "What are you gonna do then?"

Ian put his hands on Mickey's cheeks and stared into his eyes, "I'm gonna keep coming back. I'm gonna fight for you." He closed the small space between them and pressed his lips against Mickey's again. The kiss was tender, sweet, and painful, full of the loss of what they'd had, what they truly wanted.