Filming Flashbacks

Chapter 1: Back to the Start

"Hi Mama!" I shoulder my phone while putting on some lip gloss.

"Hey sweet girl. Just checking on you to see how it's going."

As I throw the lip gloss back into my purse, I grab a tissue to wipe the icky eye liner smudges under my eyes. I sigh heavily as I take the phone back into my hand and move to leave the bathroom. "Ehh. It's going as well as it can. Honestly, I feel like every pretty boy on three continents has been paraded before me in the last two days." As I walk back to the conference room I take pleasure in unloading on my Mom, "And not one of them has been able to pull off a series of lines in a convincing way."

"Honey, you need to be grateful they are including you and not just picking someone to replace Charlie without any input from you. That's not normal and you need to make sure you give this your full attention." She pauses and I pause as I wait for her to continue. "Sweetie, you are going to be, how should we say, up close and personal with your costar for at least one and possibly three movies. You need to make sure it's someone who feels right."

I stop and lean my head against the wall with my eyes closed, "I know, Mama. And I am grateful. It's. Just. So. Exhausting." I roll my head back and forth as I pinch the bridge of my nose. "It's the same lines over and over and over. And every guy, I swear, they come in and some try to flirt, some try to be dominant from the start. It's just, ugh, I don't know, icky. I don't want any of these guys seeing my lady parts."

There is a huff on the other end of the phone, "Too much info, baby. I know it's hard to lose Charlie."

I sigh, "Not really, Mom. He was really hot, but to be honest, there were things about him that creeped me out a little. I know it sounds weird, but I didn't feel 'safe' with him."

"Dakota, that is serious. Why didn't you tell me this before?" I hear her shuffling into another position. "Sweetheart, you are going to be in an incredibly vulnerable position, you need to be safe. You need to FEEL safe. Chemistry is one thing – and we both know you can fake it if you have to, but your safety is not something that can be faked." She huffs a few more times. "You know this is a gift that he pulled out, right? This is meant to be. These things don't happen by accident, Coqui."

Why did I bring this up? "I know, Mama. Better now than later. And yes, I will pay more attention to my safety. I love you – gotta to – another pretty boy is here."

*****

I am exhausted. I need an assistant to help me carry the bags under my eyes. We've been at this for days and I really, I mean REALLY, cannot bear to hear yet another empty line designed to lure me into thinking they are my perfect Christian Grey. I've heard a lot over the last few days.

"Wow. I knew you were pretty, but I'm sorry. I just need to catch my breath."

"After seeing you, I'd let YOU handcuff ME."

"PLEASE tell me you're not using a body double."

"God, you smell so good. Do you always smell like this?"

"Can we add a kiss to the reading because I'm sure once we do, you'll know I'm the one. I'm a REALLY good kisser. Like, the best. Really. Try me."

"I'll make you happy to be on your knees."

"Just want you to know I'm willing to put in the time on and off set to make sure you are 'feeling' it."

"If I forget my lines, it's just because you are gorgeous and make it hard for me to concentrate."

Sam and Erika are as tired as I am. They give me a commiserating smile as I walk back in and sit down waiting for the next pretty boy.

Sam shuffles through papers, "Next up is Jamie Dornan. Model, actor. He's in The Fall – plays a serial killer. Married."