8. Cheaters >:/
HELLO, HELLO MY MAMCORNS!
It's been so long!!! SOO sorry about that!
HAHAHAHA I SAY THAT EVERY WEEK AND IT STILL HAPPENS ALL OVER AGAIN XD
Anywho... It's a quarter to 3 for me right now but i am writing this for you guys because im nice <3
BUT WHEN I WAKE UP CRANKY I AM BLAMING Y'ALL
So, today -ahem, tonight- 's rant is about Cheaters.
Now i CANNOT STAND CHEATERS.
It's to the point where if I had to choose between getting raped and saving a cheater's life i would choose the *intimate time* with Mr. Rapist over there.
And if you are a cheater and are reading this right now i want you to listen up, because i will be screaming every bit of this rant at you. Through a Mega-Phone.
Now What type of Cheaters, you may ask?
Well, my dear FAITHFUL Mamcorn, i mean the kind that cheat on people when they are in a relationship.
The other kinds of cheater, the hey-what-did-you-put-for-that-answer-cheaters? I don't give a FLYING MONKEY'S BUTT about them.
But when you cheat in relationships? YOU BETTER GET YO FAT ASS MOVING NOW.
Ya know, i truly don't understand why people cheat. I mean, if you're not happy in a relationship then here's an idea, LEAVE. Don't stay in it but have something on the side.
I WISH TO HELL THAT EVERY CHEATER ON THIS EARTH EITHER GETS A YEAST INFECTION OR PRIAPISM!
"Oh but, I don't know what Priapism is!" A dispicable cheater says.
ITS A OFTEN PAINFUL ERECTION THAT LASTS MORE THAN 4 HOURS WHICH ISN'T RELIEVED WHEN YOU REACH THE BIG O. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUAL ACTIVITY. AND YOU WANNA KNOW AN INTERESTING FACT? IF NOT TREATED, IT CAN SCAR THE PENIS AND RESULT IN A LONG-TERM COMPLICATION OF ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
HAVE FUN WITH THAT KIDDIES!
God i HATE Cheaters so much!
Let me ask you a question, all the cheaters out there, what the EFF do you gain from this? Does it give you SATISFACTION to get away with it you filthy BASKETS?
IF I COULD GET MY CLAWED HANDS ON YOU RIGHT NOW-
If any of you, my beautiful Mamcorns, have the pleasure of knowing me then you will promise me this.
If I EVER date ANYONE who cheats on me and i STAY with him, YOU WILL KNOCK MY ASS OUT UNTIL I COME TO MY SENSES.
DUDE, YOU CHEAT, YOU OUT.
AND PLEASE LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT.
*Sits calmly back into chair and leans back, crossing le arms*
So, reader, have you ever cheated? WILL you ever cheat? Tell me. C'mon, i'm calm. GET IT THE EFF OVER WITH.
BTW NO CHEATER IS ALLOWED TO BE A MAMCORN! IT'S IN THE RULE BOOK.
AND YES THERE IS A RULE BOOK!
"What's it called?"
THE RULE BOOK OF UNICORN STEVE'S RANTS.
DUH *EYEROLL*
You know, personally, i would never cheat.
I mean, if i was lucky enough to find someone who actually knew me and still wanted to date my crazy ass I would Thank Satan for helping me, not kiss other people behind their back.
You know i love all you guys right? I would totally hug you all back if you randomly came up to me and hugged me.
And ever if I found out that you're a cheater, i would still hug you. Around your neck. With a rope.
Just Kidding!.... kinda :/
And i'm speaking to all the guys reading this right now...
If you ever find a girl that's got her wall up just know that, that wall has been built Brick by Brick, Lie by Lie, Heartbreak after Heartbreak.
And you know what is responsible for an equally big part of that wall? You do?! Okay, all together now:
CHEATERS!
Give You All A Cookie!
And if you're a girl, just know that you don't have to put up with him cheating. Maybe i'm wrong, maybe it was an accident and you're are sure it was an accident.
BUT CAN ANYONE TRULY BE SURE?
....Hahahaha just realised im single and giving you relationship advice *Snorts* *Chuckles* *Whimpers*
Ya know what one of my most FAVOURITE QUOTES OF ALL TIME are? Well Here Ya Go! (AND OMFG I LOVE THIS QUOTE!):
"Cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don't just trip and fall into a Vagina."
ERMAHGAWD I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
Can you image that though? O.O
"Oh, Hi there! I see you are naked, i happen to be too! Imagine that! And look, SOMEONE'S HAPPY TO SEE YOU :) OH NO, a ROCK! *Le Trip.* *Falls foreward.* Accidently pushes into poor woman. "OH, I am so sorry, I seem to have entered you!"
OMFG THAT ALL HAPPENED, IN COLOUR AND EVERYTHING, IN MY HEAD!
GET IT OUTTTTTTTT.
Okay, this seems to have gone a *little* off track.
Back to Cheaters.
HEY THAT SHOULD BE A BAND!
NO! *smacks head* GET BACK ON TOPIC WOMAN.
So, all you cheaters with you small, shriveled penis' and yeast infections, how do you feel right now?
Are you reading this and thinking,
"I mean, it's not really cheating, right? It was just a kiss... and then a cuddle! Nothing really! They wouldn't mind...they know i love them!"
Well ya know what, IF COULD GET A LIST OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK LIKE THAT THERE WOULD BE A NEWS REPORT TOMORROW ABOUT A WORLD-WIDE MASS MURDERER WHO KILLED A LOAD OF PEOPLE IN THEIR SLEEP.
And if you are the cocky, mostly Male it seems, kind that lays there thinking,
"Pfft, whatever man. I got needs, ya know? I need loving. They can't handle all of me."
Then NO! NO TO THAT! SCREW YOU!
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE THEM THEN, HUH? ASSHAT!
BTW if you're ever thinking about taking a cheater back then i'm gonna tell you now that maybe you need to think about it more.
Although i may be a *TINY* bit biased.
In the end, it's ur decision. If it was me though... I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM WITH A BRICK BEFORE NINJA KEVIN WOULD BOOT HIM UP THE ASSH-*BEEP*.
>:( Ughh... *mumbles incoherently.*
And that is all for now! Hope you enjoy it my lovely Mamcorns, IF YOU ARE INDEED STILL A MAMCORN AND HAVEN'T BEEN KICKED OUT OF OUR SPECIAL CLUB!
Comment "CHEATERS CAN EAT-HER" If you want the next update to be sometime in the next week xD
YOU ARE READING
Random Rants With A Unicorn Called Steve
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