dear b,
It's gotten to the point that i cannot fathom what you look like anymore. i cannot hear your voice and i cannot bear in mind the scars on your body. You're grave is in the UK, and im in the US. i don't remember your laugh and i do not remember what your smile looked like. i just remember that it lit up the whole entire room, and i wanted to see it all the time.
i don't remember our first conversation ever but i remember what the very first thing you said was; "my name is blake and i like one direction, being gay, and your smile."
you were a fucking rainbow in a mix of grey and now i do not fucking remember anything that made up you.
i feel so fucking awful because im forgetting you, and not the memory of what you were.
im so sorry that i disappointed you and im so sorry that all i want to do now is break down and cry at the thought those goddamn awful words that were told to me, the same ones i told to N. she broke down crying as well.
i fucking miss you. im so sorry that im not what you expected me to be.
love,
b
