Blacksheep
No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. Have you ever felt so cheerless? So empty? So wounded? So unloved? I do. Everyday. I felt so much that I started to feel nothing.
"You're the class valedictorian, Traiva." ani Papa.
Tipid na ngiti lamang ang sagot ko. Ayokong magsalita dahil kasabay rin naming kumain ngayon ang mga kamag-anak ni Mama Gizella. Even Sir Giovensio Andreza's also here.
"I'm so proud of you." ngiti niya.
My father is clueless with everything. It's okay, though. I will never ever burden anyone with these broken parts of me.
"Thank you, Papa."
Nagtataka niya akong tinignan.
"I'm done eating. Can I excuse myself? I need to finish my speech." palusot ko dahil tapos ko na iyon. Ang totoo ay nagmadali ako sa pagkain para makaalis agad sa hapag. I don't belong with them.
"I want to read it, sweetheart." sabi ni Papa. I looked at Mama Gizella's relatives, they're just silently watching us. They're never talk bad at me when my father's around. I wonder why.
"Okay, Papa." sabi ko at tumalikod.
It's been three weeks since Jin left me. And I miss him so bad. Madali lang naman ang ginagawa ko ngayon , pretending that everything's okay kagaya ng ginagawa ko noon.
Isang beses lang ako umiyak ng mawala siya. Pinilit kong h'wag ng umulit pa. My mind is still having trouble wrapping itself the fact that he's dead. I don't want the reality to slap me that the person who used to comfort me whenever I'm crying will be the reason now for me to cry.
Ayokong umiyak dahil wala ng Jin ang magtatahan sa akin, wala ng mag-aalu sa akin, wala ng yayakap sa akin when I'm so down, wala ng makikinig sa akin. Sobrang bigat na ng pakiramdam ko at ayoko na iyong dagdagan pa. Ayokong isipin na wala na siya.
Kakatapos lang ng practice namin para sa graduation. Nasa cafeteria ako mag-isa at nagpapahinga. I typed a message to our driver na sunduin na ako. Pagkalapag na pagkalapag ko ng phone sa table ay bigla itong nag-ring.
I checked who's calling me, hindi ito local number. Agad ko itong sinagot.
"Hello?" I said. Pero walang nagsalita.
"Who's this?" I asked. Naghintay ako ng ilang sandali pero wala paring sumagot.
"Is this prank call or what?" kung biro man ang tawag na ito ay gusto kong pagtyagaan pakinggan kahit papaano. I want to hear the unknown person's cranky jokes, this might cheer myself up a bit. Gusto kong tumawa kahit ilang segundo lang.
"If you're not going to talk I'll hang it up. Bye." pero hindi ko naman ito binaba. Naghintay pa ako ng ilang sandali.
"Helloooo!" my forehead creased. Akmang ilalayo ko na ang phone sa aking tainga para patayin ang tawag when someone finally speak.
"Razz, talk to her." ani ng isang baritono at hindi pamilyar na boses ng lalaki.
Anong sabi niya? Razz? Hearing his name again made my system tremble.
"Who's that?" sagot naman ng isa pang boses. That voice...
It's ironic that you'll don't understand how much you miss their voice until you've realized how long it will be until you hear it again. At ngayon, narinig ko iyon ulit. I miss his voice so so much.
"Ms. Leprivo." sabi ng naunang nagsalita na lalaki.
"E-Edge." nanginig ang boses ko.
"Drop that call. Damn you!" iritado at pagalit na sabi ni Edge. Nakarinig pa ako ng pagkalampag ng kung anong bagay.
