Chasing Her Back [COMPLETED]

Chapter 1

They don't know the feeling of being me.. Judgements.. Criticisms.. People kept talking that I'm a deaf from truth. But do they know me at all? Nothing. They know nothing.

I'm still inlove with him BUT, that can't erase the wounds he'd caused me. I want to kill him to take revenge.. to make him suffer.. I want him to feel my burdens..

But where he is? He escaped. I can say he's a coward. Wala na syang kwenta para sakin.

"Get up. Mom is waiting downstairs."

I heard Kuya behind the door of my room. I didn't move a single. Instead, I burried my face under the pillow.

"Xheen." he kept on knocking.

"K-kuya.. I don't want to.. Kayo nalang ni Mommy.." sabi ko when I feel na nakapasok na sya.

"But it's dad death anniversary. Don't you want to join us?"

Yeah. It's been a year already but still it's like a yesterday for me. Wounds are still there.

Bumangon ako. "I'll shower first."

With that, lumabas na sya.

Pumasok na ako ng banyo. I was about to wash my face when memories came back and flashes in my mind. Napahinto ako habang nakatingin sa salamin.

My eyes begin to water. Hinayaan ko lang na tumulo. Ang sakit pa din. Parang pinapatay ako ng paulit-ulit. Bakit sya pa? There's a lot of people out there that full of evilness pero bakit si Daddy pa?

Is God unfair?

I shook my head. No Xheen. He's not. Priam is the one who's responsible with this.

P-priam..

Nanikip ang dibdib ko.. Unti-unting bumabalik sakin ang nakaraan. That day my Dad died because of him.. He ruined everything.. He ruined my life and so I hate him..

My knuckles whitened. My eyes were like burning with fire.

I don't even care if where he is right now. Sana sya nalang ang namatay.. Sana..

I decided to shower. After that, nagbihis na ako. I went downstairs at nandoon ang buong pamilya.

I just sit at the sofa. I didn't greet anyone of them. Ayoko lang ng atensyon ngayon. Luckily, pinabayaan lang nila ako.

I felt someone sits beside me. Nilingunan ko sya.

"X-xaris.."

She just smiled at me. Hindi ko na sya pinansin pa.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kahaba na ganun lang kami, walang kibuan.

She cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry.. hindi ako nakapunta kahit man lang sa burol ni Tito.."

In my peripheral view, nakayuko sya while twirling her fingers.

"It's okay. Nasabi na sakin ni uncle Jac that you were confined almost a year sa hospital kaya hindi ka man lang nakadalaw.. Are you okay now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know.. Some memories I've forgot slowly coming back.. The rest, wala pa.."

"But atleast there's a progress.. Anu-ano na ang mga naaalala mo?"

Sandali syang nag-isip.

"Uhmm.. There's an island.. Nandoon ka, si Raine at ako.. Sina Dea din.. Hindi ko na kilala yung iba.. Some of them are blurred.."

Tumango-tango ako.

Nagsalita pa sya. "I'm not sure about this.. Nagkaroon ba ako ng karelasyon noon?"

My eyes widened. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko.

"W-what made you think of that?"

"I've always dreaming.. and I'm so confused about it because fortnight straight na iyon lang ang napapaniginipan ko.. Hindi ko alam ang eksaktong lugar. Basta maraming tao like they were grieving.. May nakayakap sakin. Sobrang higpit.."

"May naaalala ka pa bang iba?" pag-uusisa ko.

Tumango uli sya. I gasped. Di pwede.. Hindi nya pwedeng maalala ang nakaraan. Masasaktan lang sya.

"There's a guy beside you.. If I can recall it clearly, he's a chess master.. Do you know him? Kamukha nga nya si Priam eh.. Or maybe si Priam talaga yun?"

Narattle ako bigla. "Xaris, maybe that's too much. Hindi ka naman namin pipilitin kung hindi mo pa naaalala ang iba.."

"But--"

"That's enough okay?" putol ko sa kanya.

She frowned while nodding at me pero alam kong nagtataka na sya based on what I've acted.

I excuse myself and went outside.. Maybe I need some fresh air.

"I heard what the two of you talking about. You're still not get over with the past."

Here we go again. Tss.

I can hear his smile. "Forget it Xheen.. Mom and I already forgave him.. Sana ganun ka din."

I gritted my teeth. Hindi ko na napigilan. Hinarap ko sya.

Tinignan ko sya ng masama. "What you are saying right now is the most damn word I've ever heard from you."

"Xheen.. Be realistic. Hindi sya Diyos para pagalingin si Dad ng ganun lang. He's just a human whose having mistakes too."

Damn. Anong kagaguhan ang sinasabi nya?

"Can you hear yourself kuya? Sya ang dahilan kung bakit nawala si Dad! And now, you're telling me that that kind of a sh*t is deserving to be forgiven? Hell no!"

He sighed. "Okay. Okay." he raised his both hands in shoulder level na parang suko na sya. "Sawa na ako sa kakapaliwanag sayo. Now if you want to curse him all over again, do it. I don't care anymore."

Umalis na sya sa harapan ko.

Napahawak ako sa pillar na nasa tabi ko lang. I cover my mouth with my palm. Hindi ko na napigilan. Napaiyak na naman ako. Ang sikip sa dibdib. Parang araw-araw na lang na ganito ako pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako sanay.

Bakit ang hina-hina ko? Pagdating sa kanya laging umiinit ang ulo ko. Parang gusto ko lagi na ako dapat ang tama at sya ang mali. Mali ba na sisihin sya? Sya ang nandoon. Sya dapat ang sumalba kay Dad. But he didn't make it at si Dad ang nagbayad ng kapabayaan nya. Bakit Priam? Bakit mo pinabayaan na mawala sya? I want to shout pero hindi ko magawa. Dahil sa bawat pagsasalita ko, nasasabi ko ang totoong nararamdaman ko. I should keep my mouth shut. Galit ang nararamdaman ko at yun dapat ang laging mamutawi sa bibig ko.

He killed my Dad. Isn't that enough para kamuhian ko sya?

***

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

He looked at me intently. "You need to face all the consequences.. Having her will might add your agony also."

I nod. "That's the last and only thing I want to do.. 

to CHASE HER BACK."

_Dyeydyi_