Warning!
This is a book for the open-minded only!
If you feel that you already know all about the mysteries of our existence, your view of life is set and you would like to keep it this way, then this book is not meant for you. Don't bother reading...
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Happiness is a journey... not a destination
- Unknown
"How do you feel?" Andi wanted to know, eyeing me intently.
"Hm..." I briefly considered my emotions, trying hard to remain truthful. The bed I am reclining on is comfortable and the rock music softly playing in the background is soothing. An orange scented candle fills the air with its delightful fragrance, I shall be able to sleep in and won't have to go to the academy tomorrow, since today is Saturday - yay! I have just enjoyed a delicious dinner and Andi is being really thoughtful this evening. . . I do have to learn – a lot – but I don't mind so much, since I have company to keep my emotions from getting too bored. Therefore, I can truly say that I am feeling good. Although. . . something within me is not entirely comfortable. But as long as I concentrate on everything that is pleasant. . .
". . .I feel relaxed and happy," I finally concluded, smiling. Looking up from the book on bookkeeping that I had been studying, I meet the anxious gaze of the boy before me with a reassuring one of my own.
"In spite of being in the midst of those examination-weeks?"
"Yes." I had briefly concentrated on my emotions again, to make sure that I was being honest.
True, I already had three weeks of constant examinations behind me and I was facing two more (until the end of the term in the third week of February, when the class was scheduled to go to Spain). But I was still practicing my living-in-the-moment attitude and and on top of it, I had discovered a new weapon: meditation!
"How? Why?" Andi wondered, leaning back to sit against the headrest of his big bed.
During the last months, our relationship had progressed to a point where I stayed at his place for those weekends that Berni was not in Salzburg. Which was most of the time. But - to be completely honest - this development had been a tad one-sided. Meaning, that Andi was the one pulling me closer and closer to him and I was more or less just allowing myself to be dragged along. After first having consulted my thoughts and feelings on the matter, of course.
Which sounds so straight forward. . .
In everyday life, however, it appeared that it was often a bit of a challenge to decipher my emotions: they had a tendency to change unexpectedly and to be rather ambiguous.
As, in fact, were my thoughts. They would be completely convinced that being with Andi was a good idea - giving me a hundred reasons why - only to doubt those a moment later just as vehemently.
All in all, these two parts of my being turned out not to be very helpful most of the time, especially when it came to making decisions. Therefore, I often allowed Andi to make them for me. Like the first time he had asked me to sleep over: He had been nagging me for quite some time, until I had finally given in. Arguing with myself that I was, after all, not doing anything wrong. Besides, I had to admit that I had also felt quite excited at the prospect at the time. Staying over at someone else's place was a bit like having become an adult, who was able to freely choose what to do and where to spend the night. Not to mention that I definitely loved the way he always made me feel. (Most of the time, anyway. When he was not being difficult.) . . .as if I was someone very special and precious. . .
