I regret it. I mean, I didn’t do anything. We got to her house and images of Emma flashed through my mind. I couldn’t do it. I was too drunk to care at the club but I had sobered up a bit when we got to her house.
I walked into the bathroom of our hotel, ready to just have a shower and go to bed.
But when I opened the door she stood there still in her white dress, her hair a mess, tears falling down her face, a blade held above her wrist. She looked like an angel, a sad angel.
“NO!” I screamed.
She turned around, sadness and shock her in her eyes. She held onto the blade, her knuckles turning white, her hand shaking.
“Emma, put it down.”
She shook her head. “Harry-“
“Emma put the knife down, please.”
“WHAT DOES IT MATTER!?” she screamed.
“It matters to me! Emma put the razor down.” Tears started to stream down my face. “Please.” I whispered.
“WHAT DO YOU CARE? NO ONE CARES!” her breathing was heavy and the knife was sitting on her skin.
“I CARE!” I yelled. I have never yelled at her before, but she needs to hear it. “EMMA I FUCKING CARE!”
“NO YOU DON’T! Go fuck the girl from the club and leave me alone!”
“Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because no one cares. Not about me.”
I walked over as her hold on the razor loosened and took the blade and put it on the counter. She collapsed into my arms, tears running like a river down her face.
“Shhh, it’s ok. I’m here.”
“Why?”
I smiled. “Emma, I couldn’t live without you.”
She looked up at me, tears clouding her beautiful brown eyes. “Yes you could. You would move on. I’m nothing special.”
“Emma you are more than that. You are the most amazing, special person I know!”
“When I’m gone you will meet someone else. They will be the most amazing and special person you know. I don’t matter.”
“You matter to me. Emma, you are wonderful and beautiful and I couldn’t live a day without you!”
She pulled out of my grip. “Yes you could.”
“Emma-“
“No listen to me. You don’t want to get involved with me. I’m broken Harry, beyond repair. You can’t fix me.”
“Emma just give me a fair chance!”
She laughed, but not the soft laugh I fell in love with, a mocking laugh, lacking emotion.
“Life isn’t fair Harry! I have heard that all my life and you know what? I am fucking sick and tired of it! No, life isn’t fair, sometimes you don’t get what you wanted for Christmas, or your favourite meal, but you know what isn’t bloody fair?” the anger in her eyes turned to sadness as she moved away from me. “How a person can tear down another person so far down they lose everything. Make them feel worthless, unimportant, make them feel unloved and unwanted.” I wanted to have her back in my arms, I wanted to stroke her hair and tell her it will be ok. “How can someone find joy in that?” she choked out. “How can they laugh while the other person cries? How can a person feel good about themselves while making another feel worthless?”
“Emma-“
“What he said to me, what she did to me, I can’t ever forget that. I can never forget the words they said. How they told me we were friends and then stabbed me in that back. I can never unlive that past, unhear those words, or unfeel the hurt. They pushed me down until I was too broken to stand back up again.” She slid to the floor of the bathroom, her face in her hands, “They hurt me until I stopped feeling pain.” She whispered.
As I look at this girl on the floor, tormented by the thoughts in her mind and I didn’t once think about leaving. Because I love her. I love this broken girl. I love her with every fibre of my being and I will never stop loving her. She is my everything. My sun, my moon, my stars, my water, my life. I can’t think of being without her. Without her I am nothing. I am an empty shell.
I slide down beside her, pulling her closer to my body as she shook with sobs. “Emma, you may feel like no one loves you, and what they did to you wasn’t right, but I love you. Fuck do I love you.” She looked up at me, disbelief on her face. “I love your hair, and how you can never control it. I love how beautiful your eyes are, and every time I look into them I am happy. I love how you break out into song when something reminds you of one. I love how you dance when you think I’m not watching. I love how much you love Robert Downey Jr. I love how you pretend to know the words to a song you have never heard. I love how you sing in the car. I love how you fiddle with you thumbs when you are uncomfortable. I love how you bite your lip when you are embarrassed or concentrating really hard on something. I love how I make you smile. I love to watch you when you read, how you get so attached, how your face changes. God dammit Emma I love you! I love you so much it hurts.”
She closed her eyes, “How could you love someone like me?”
“Emma I love you for you. All your quirks and habits.”
“Harry-“ before she could finished I smashed my lips onto hers. At first she doesn’t respond but she kisses me back. The taste of her lips is intoxicating. The way her slightly chapped lips move against mine make butterflies erupt in my stomach. My hand finds her hip and pulls her closer to me. I could never have her close enough. We pulled apart, both panting. “Harry I-“ I couldn’t stand it and I pressed my lips to hers again. I could feel her smile. Our lips moved in sync. I pulled her over so she was straddling my hips, her hands on my chest, mine on her hips, drawing circles with my thumb on the exposed skin from her shirt riding up a bit.
When we finally pulled away she smiled, “I have wanted to do that for months.” I grinned.
“What does this make us?” Emma asked, tear stains on her cheeks but a bright smile on her face.
“Whatever you want us to be love.” I smiled, trailing my fingers down her cheek. She closed her eyes, goose bumps arising on her skin at my touch. She blushed, looking down and playing with her thumbs. I chuckled, lifting her chin up with my finger. “Emma Elizabeth Stuart will you be my girlfriend?”
She giggled, looking down at her hands. I smiled, taking her hand in mine and intertwining our hands. She smiled, looking at out interlocked fingers, a single tear falling from her eye. “Yes.” She whispered.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in and smiled. “God I love you.” I whispered, attaching my lips to hers again.
I could sit in this moment forever, just me and her. But eventually we had to get up. She kissed me on the cheek, whispering ‘goodnight’ before heading over to her bed.
Today is a day I will never
YOU ARE READING
Lost
FanfictionHow could no one tell? How can I be breaking inside and no one notices? I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to wake up every morning knowing that any minute I could break down. I don't want to go to sleep thinking about how stupid and poi...
