Lost

Chapter 18: to be loved

I wake up feeling... weird, different. Everything that happened last night all feels like a dream, like it couldn't possibly have happened. There is no way Harry loves me. Not chance in hell. 

I sit up, looking around the room. Everything looks normal. The curtains are closed, my book is still sitting on the night stand Harry is sound asleep in his bed, nothing is different except... the bathroom door is open. Why is it open? I always close it. 

I pull the covers off and slowly walk over and push the door fully open. Everything is the same except for the blade lying on the ground. 

"Emma?" I turned around to see Harry standing in the door way, his shirt off, sweat pants hanging low on his hips. 

"Harry, Is this- did I- did last night actual happen or was I dreaming?" I looked at him. "Because I-" 

I was cut off my Harry walking towards me and smashing his lips onto mine. He pulled away, resting his forehead on mine. "Emma-" 

"Shh. Just give me a minute." I whispered. 

Harry laughed, pulling me into a hug. "If you regret it, if it was just a spure of the moment thing-" 

"Harry. I don't regret it. Not at all." 

"Thank God." he breathed. 

"Harry, why did you save me?" 

Harry chuckled. "I thought I made my point clear last night." 

"You mean you actually love me?" 

Harry looked at me with sad eyes. "Emma I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. I never believed in that love at first sight crap but when I saw you, I knew." 

"You knew what?" 

"That you would be the thing I couldn't live without. You would be my weakness." 

"So what everyone was saying, how you look at me-" 

"Like you were the only thing in the room." 

"Yeah." I whispered. 

"You are so blind." 

"Shut up!" 

"Emma, I know I love you. And I know that you don't love me. I get it, you have walls built up but I'm trying to break them down, I'm really trying." 

"You are breaking them down. Brick by brick I can feel it. I let you in, told you things I haven't told anyone before." 

Harry smiled, "Good." he whispered, "Because you deserve to be loved, you deserve to have someone fight for you." 

"Harry what if you give up? What of the fight is too much?" 

"Em, I will never give up." he smiled, pulling away "Never going to give you up, never going to let you down, never going to run around and desert you!" he sang. 

I rolled my eyes, laughing, "Harry-" 

"Come on Em, dance!" 

So thats what I did. I danced like no one was watching. It was amazing, to just go for it. I always worry about what everyone else thinks of me. But why should I care? Harry likes me for who I am, my whole self. He knows everything and he is still here. 

Suddenly there was a knocking on the door making us stop. "Harry get your ass out of here!" 

Harry sighed, walking to the door. "Lind-" 

"Don't you even start you son of a bitch! What happened to fighting? What happened to never giving up? Waiting?" 

"Lin-" 

"You really are a son of a bitch you know that Harry Styles. You may be my cousin but you fucked up, big time. You-" 

"Lindsey." I said from behind Harry. She frowned as I stepped out. "It's ok." 

"Emma. What the hell are you doing with-" 

"Lindsey it's ok, he-" 

"You actualy fell for it didn't you? You believe him, like he didn't sleep with the slut from the bar? Emma you are smart, don't be stupid you know-" 

"Don't call my girlfriend stupid!" Harry yelled. 

Lindsey stopped, starring at him, noticing his lack of a shirt. "Oh my god. Emma you didn't." 

"We didn't sleep together, no."

"Then what the hell happened?" 

"Lindsey he saved me. He didn't sleep with her. He got back here about ten minutes after I did." 

"But-" 

"Lindsey, I know, I get it, but he is telling the truth." 

"How did he save you Emma? Did he comfort you after flirting with that girl all night. What did he tell you? That he was trying to make you jealous? That he-" 

"Lindsey enough!" Harry shouted. 

"Harry I have known you my whole life. I have seen you fuck over girls. Kara was-"

"You know what happened with Kara wasn't my fault!" 

"BULL SHIT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!" 

"Lindsey you were the one who said he liked me, that I should let myself fall!" 

"That was before last night. I thought he changed. Harry I thought you learned."

"Lindsey I did." 

Then tell me Harry, why did you go home with her?" 

"Because she was there, Emma, you were there making me wish with every bone in my body that I could tell the guys flirting with you to lay off my girlfriend! I wish that I could have been standing beside you but I wasn't! And I'm sorry that I wasn't because I didn't have the balls. The truth is that I have known you have been ready for a few weeks." 

"What?" 

"I knew that if I had just asked for one date we would have been golden but I was scarred." 

"Scarred of what? She was clearly going to say yes!"

"I WAS SCARRED I WOULD FUCK IT UP AGAIN!" Harry yelled. 

Lindsey looked sad. "Harry-" 

"What? You said it yourself! I messed it up with Kara, but I will not fuck it up this time. Not with her. Lindsey she means more than anything to me. Please." 

"Prove it." Lindsey said, turning and walking out of the room. 

Harry sat down in the closest chair and put his face in his hands. He is just like me. I didn't see it before but I understand now. Everyone is broken. Even if it's just a little crack, everyone is broken somewhere. 

I could feel her standing there. I can't let her see me, not like this. "Come on, lets go get some breakfast-" 

"No Harry." she said firmly, sitting on the floor in front of me. 

"Em-" 

"Harry, please, let me help you." 

"I don't need help." 

"That's what I said in the beginning, but you never stopped. No matter how many times I shut you out you always come back. Please. It's my turn." 

I looked up at her, her beautiful brown eyes starring at me, filled with concern. When I told the boys they looked at me differently too. She just seems, different. 

She isn't looking at me with pity, she is looking at me with love. 

"Ok." I whispered, standing up and sitting on the bed as she sat next to me. "What do you need to know?"