Lost

Chapter 13: confession

We pulled up to the hotel we are staying at in Oxford and before I could even stand up she was off the bus. 

I groaned but my phone vibrated. 

Meet me at the park across the street in an hour. 

I sighed, shoving my phone back in my pocket and following the boys. Emma was bunking with me but when I walked into the room her bags were there but she was no where to be seen. 

"Haz are you ok?" I heard someone say from the door. I looked up to see Paul. 

"I'm fine." 

"You know fine doesn't mean fine. That's what you told her isn't it?" 

"I don't know what to do Paul, I try so hard and she still blocks herself away from me!" I groaned in frustration, running my hands through my hair. 

"Harry, if she really does care about you, which she does, we can all see it, then she will open up. Give her some time to sort everything out." 

"I have known her for months! Why is she still so closed off!?" 

"Time Harry, time heals all wounds and seals all bonds." he said, patting me on the shoulder. 

"You are really wise you know that?" I smiled. 

"I try." he grinned, "Now go find her." 

I smiled at Paul, rushing out of the hotel and ran across the street, looking for her. 

I could see her back, sitting on the bench, her brown hair flowing down in waves, her hand moving her bangs out of her eyes. God she is beautiful and she doesn't even try. 

"Hey." I smiled, walking towards her. She turned around, her eyes red with tears. I hate seeing her like this, broken. 

"Emma-" I said, sitting beside her on the hard park bench.

"Harry, I'm sorry I haven't told you. Just, don't think differently of me ok?" I nodded and she continued. "I guess it all started in grade 5. First you should know that I have always been a bit weird. I just try to hide it around people. Anyways, in grade 5 I was put in a different class than all my friends. I guess they all just bonded while I was left alone. It didn't really start hard core until about grade 6. I mean they teased me but I never thought anything of it. In fact I didn't really see what they were doing until high school." she paused, wiper her tears away with the sleeve of her shirt. "Anyways, it started to get worse and worse. They would call me names, goody-two-shoes, weird, stuff like that, and make me let them copy my homework and make them study notes for tests. They would ignore me when they hung out and not tell me about plans they all made. Well of course I developed a crush on the ring leader of it all. He had everything, the popularity, the girls, the looks. He had it all. And of course he never liked me back, I was the stupid tag along with no real friends. The only reason they let me hang out with them was because I had been friends with one of the girls since kindergarten. They made sure that any guy in our grade knew how weird I was and would never date me. In fact I have been single my whole life. When we graduated I went to the high school most kids in our grade didn't just to get away from them. Of course I'm stupid, being dragged into what was the popular crowd. But again no one liked me, I was the person who stood off to the side awkwardly. One lunch they were going out and I asked if I could tag along and bring my lunch because I didn't have any money. They said they would wait for me but when I got back they were all gone. I guess it was a good thing. I met a few friends that day who actually liked me. But ever since I have been really self conscious and shy. I'm ok when I get to know you but not if I don't. I can't stand talking to guys because all they do is remind me of him and the things he said to me. I know, I'm pathetic."

I couldn't move, what she told me still sinking in. How could any treat such a beautiful girl so horribly. 

"I never told anyone. Not a soul until about grade 11. But that's when she happened." 

"There is more?" 

She laughed, a sarcastic laugh, "Oh there is way more. She was in our friend group. One of the only other people besides you and Ally that I have told my secret too. But she betrayed me. She strung me along, making me think I was her best friend, dragging me away from my other friends. God I was such a bitch." she sighed, "I didn't mean too but I was. She turned me into something I'm not overly proud of. Anyways, about November a year and a half ago she told me she had run away from home due to abuse. My family took her in for a few weeks but all she did was use us. She never looked for another place to live, never thanked us. She would tell me guys liked me then go after them, flirting and telling me about it. It was then that I really lost all trust in about everyone. I became best friends with Ally a few months later. I had known Ally since we were 8 but we were never really all that close, until now. I tell her everything but even still in the back of my mind I wonder if I should really trust her. If she will stab me in the back like the rest." At this point she was full on sobbing. I took her hand and she flinched but didn't pull away. "I hate myself for it every day. I hate that I can't make new friends because I'm so afraid they will ditch me, too afraid to talk to boys in fear of them rejecting me!" 

I pulled her into my shoulder, wrapping my arms around her. "Shhh, it's ok love, I'm here." 

"God I hate myself." she whimpered. 

I pulled back, looking into her eyes, pain written all over her face. "Never say that again. Emma you are amazing! To think you are strong enough to deal with all that on your own is incredible!" 

"But-" 

"No Emma. Never believe what they said, it's all bullshit said by a bunch of assholes who don't know what an amazing girl you are! And don't ever think no one cares! I care! I lo-I like you Emma, you are amazing!" 

I can't tell her I love her now. It's not the time. She is broken and she just revealed one of her darkest secrets to me. 

"Thank you Harry." she breathed, pulling me into a hug. "I don't know what I would do without you." 

I smiled as she buried her face in my neck, my arms wrapped around her small waist. She is perfect, from the brown of her eyes, to her toes that she never paints because she is too lazy. Every part of her is perfect. I would run across the world just to be with her and she doesn't see it.

But now I know why. Now I know that she blocks it all out trying to protect herself. She has built walls up around her heart as tall as the Empire State Building, but I can see them crashing, brick by brick it is falling down, showing me more and more of her, showing me how strong she really is, how beautiful she is, inside and out. 

She believes in love, but she doesn't believe it will happen to her. But I'm going to show her the love she deserves. Not some asshole who can't see her for her perfect self. I will show her that no matter what she does, no matter how many walls she builds I'm going to work to tear them down. I'm going to work until I bleed because that is how much she means to me. 

She means the world to me. And I'm going to show her.