ANXIETY (𝘫𝘰𝘩𝘯𝘯𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘺)

Chapter 2

Status: edited

Johnny's P.o.V.

My best friend is hurting on the inside.

  I don't know when I realized that something was wrong. Maybe when he kept apologizing after every little thing. Or maybe it was because he never seemed to be around anymore.

  Up until last night I only had suspicions, but now I know for sure that there's something going on. I caught him off guard, he didn't expect to see anyone, so he hadn't thought to throw on a shirt.

  He tried to cover himself up, but I saw. I saw his stomach, and I saw how skinny he was. Well, he wasn't necessarily skinny, but it wasn't normal.

  My guess is that he has an eating problem, and I was determined to help him. He was my best friend.

  Ponyboy Curtis. The boy who made my heart speed up and my stomach turn twists. Something about the way he's so pure and innocent draws me to him.

  I had hopes of us being together, but I knew that it wasn't likely at all. Even still, I enjoyed when he'd fall asleep with his head in my lap, or when he leans his head on my shoulder while we watch the stars.

  The thought of him starving his body made me want to die. I had to help him. I had to.

  So that's what I was gonna do. He hadn't come out of his room all morning, so I was gonna go in. I had a plate of food that I'd cooked. Hopefully, I could get him to eat it.

  Taking a deep breath, I knocked on his bedroom door.

  There was a little bit of shuffling around, before he slowly opened it up. "Hey Johnny. He gave me a small wave.

  I smiled at him, wishing that he would grin back. "Hey, can I come in?" I asked.

  He nodded and I stepped in. "You need something?" He asked.

  I handed him the plate of food. "You never came down for breakfast, so I cooked this for you."

  He stared. "Awe Johnny that's awful sweet, thank you."

  I smiled.

  "B-but I'm not hungry right now...I'll eat it later" he said and set the plate on his desk.

  I let out a huff and sat on his bed.

  "You alright?" He questioned.

  I shrugged. "Guess so."

  He sat down next to me and put and arm around my shoulder. "Johnny, I consider you my best friend. I can tell when something's wrong."

  I stayed silent.

  "You know you can tell me anything?"

  I looked at him. "And you can always tell me anything."

  He swallowed and nodded. "I know."

  "So why don't you?" I pointed out.

  He gulped and looked down. "I...I don't know what you're talking about."

  I stood up. "Yes you do Ponyboy! And until you're ready to come and talk about it...then..." I couldn't find the words I was so angry and so scared for him.

  I just let out a huff and considered storming out. The only thing that stopped me was a broken look on his face. His eyes were wide and pleading, while he tugged on the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

  "I'm sorry...I just..."

  He couldn't finish his sentence, but I wasn't really listening. I was more focused on some tiny white lines on his wrists that I hadn't noticed last night.

  A thought suddenly occurred to me. Besides last night, I can't remember seeing him in a short sleeved shirt.

  I walked over slowly. "Ponyboy, please let me see your arms."

  His eyes widened some and he shook his head. I wasn't taking that for an answer. I grabbed both of them and yanked up the sleeve. There were rows of scars lining his wrists.

  I only realize now how bad that must have scared him, and I wish I could go back in time and be gentler. But I was so focused on how bad he really was hurting mentally, that I couldn't think straight.

  I stared, and tears flooded my eyes. "Pony..." I whispered.

  He screamed and tried to pull out of my grip. "Get off! Get off of me! Let go now!" He pleaded, but I wouldn't budge.

  Pony continued to squirm and scream for a while. I just listened and pulled him close to me. After a while his voice gave out and he was just whimpering.

  "Why?" I whispered in his ear.

  He was silent for a while. A really long time actually. We both just slumped down on the ground and cried. He was in my lap, crying into my shirt, and I had my arms wrapped tight around him.

  He sniffed and finally answered. "It calms me down. Nobody really likes me...I'm always alone. It let's out the pain."

  My heart broke right then and there. The boy I was in love with sat weeping on my chest because he thought that nobody liked him.

  "You can't do this to yourself Ponyboy." I whispered.

  I let my hand lightly trace his ribs, which didn't fully stick out but could easily be felt. He seemed to guess what I wanted to know because he said, "If I stay skinny then maybe people won't call me as many names and stuff."

  I felt so bad. He was suffering and nobody even knew. "Pony..." I breathed. "You got the gang. We're all here for you. We all love you. Don't you know that?"

  "You guys accept me, you don't really care. There's a difference." He lamented and somehow managed to press his body closer against mine.

  I sighed. "If you don't believe that they love you, will you at least believe that I love you? You're my best friend Pony. I care about you so much."

  He shook his head and began crying again. "You're only saying that because you pity me! I was afraid that this would happen if someone found out. Y'all are gonna think I'm some stupid crybaby."

  I hugged him. "I would never in a million years think that. And if you don't want me to tell anyone, I'm okay with keeping it between us. As long as you promise me that you'll stop cutting and start eating."

  He nodded and whispered, "Thank you." Then be curled up in my lap and fell asleep.

  I picked him up and sat tucked him in bed.

  I can't believe that he thinks I don't care about him. I decided to fix that.

  Grabbing a notecard and a pencil, I wrote in my neatest handwriting-

Pony,
Will you please believe me when I tell you, I truly do care. You make me smile everyday, even when I'm not around you. Just thinking about the next time we see each other puts a huge grin on my face.

Your Best Friend,
Johnny

  My handwriting was a bit scratchy, but I didn't care. Pony needed to know this. He needed to know a lot of things, and I had to be the one to tell him.