What Baking Can Do

Burns A Bit To The Touch

I was a little groggy the next day at rehearsal. Luckily, I had a slower day task-wise due to another round of choreography instruction. Things with the show were picking up, and it was exciting and scary and everything in-between.

After rehearsals Jess and I had our daily walk home but I was worried about how things would be between us. I was happy this wasn't blown and things were feeling like they were somewhat normal, albeit awkward.

"Well, the box office opens tomorrow!" I said excitedly, trying to break the silence between us and grabbing her hand out of habit.

"On Valentine's Day? That's kinda cute," she replied. I noticed that she didn't grip my hand back. I felt a pang in my stomach, but tried to ignore it. Even though she'd been quiet towards me all day.

Maybe it didn't mean anything? Maybe she just didn't think of it. It was just a hand. Just a movement, right?

Shit, I thought, returning back to our conversation quickly. "Oh, yeah. I guess it is. We're handing out mini pies to those who buy tickets."
"Aw, that's adorable."

"Yeah, it is."

I looked over at her for a moment. Her face was neutral-- not smiling, but not frowning, either. Usually she would smile more, talk more around me.

A mental war was going on in my mind.

It's no big deal. She said we were fine. We don't have a reason to not be fine.

But what if we're not?

She literally insisted that our conversation the other night hadn't been a big deal.

Then why does everything feel so awkward? Why do I get the feeling it's not just me?

I must've zoned out a little, staring for too long, because she caught my eyes. "Sara, you okay?" she asked, pulling me out of my thoughts as we stopped to wait to cross the street.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Just tired." I changed the subject before she could say anything more. "Hey, did you want to do anything in honor of the holiday?"

For a moment, I questioned whether I was asking out of formality or if I actually wanted us to go out. It took me only a split-second to realize that of course I did want to take her out, but the question seemed just a tiny bit awkward after what had happened last night. Maybe I was just overthinking everything. Maybe the devil on my shoulder was wrong.

When she didn't respond immediately, I looked back at her gorgeous face and shrugged. "I don't know how into it you are...or how you're feeling."

Jessie smiled and shrugged back. "Oh hun, no... we don't-"

Jessie paused. I couldn't tell if she was suppressing a love for the holiday behind her confused expression because she knew it wasn't my favorite or if she was genuinely unsure of what to say. She seemed happy-- we both wanted this-- but she seemed, like me, slightly hesitant because of whatever we were lately.

"I wasn't sure how we fit into things yet, I suppose," I said to break our moment of quiet.

Jessie nodded and stopped walking, looking at me with an honest expression. And not a happy one. "Yeah... me neither." She sighed and took my hands in hers. The motion surprised me, as I hadn't been expecting us to touch. "Sara, um, I'm glad you asked, really... I didn't know what to say. I know it's not been one of your favorite days in the past."

"Yeah, the celebrating always came more from the person I was with and..."

I started to think like I was single, but caught myself. Because I wasn't single anymore. We were us, right? Whatever that was.