What Baking Can Do

But No Matter The Miles I'm Back To You

(Early March, shortly after moving into the Brooks)

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"I'm cold," Jessie said, pushing her hands into her coat pockets. I pulled my glove off of my right hand and reached over to take hers. The glove was between our hands. Maybe it was cheesy, but it felt like a little symbol of unity.

Jessie glanced up at me and grinned. It was her shy smile, the one where her eyes shone even more and she blushed and her dimples were especially prominent. I grinned back, but she'd glanced back down already.

We walked in happy silence for a few more minutes until we reached the car, our crunchy footsteps alternating in the snow. I let go of her hand and pulled open the door to the backseat. "Hm?" She looked at me curiously. "You know the driver's not here, right?"

I laughed awkwardly. "Yes, I do. I just thought... ya know, I'm cold, too, so maybe we could just warm up and wait a little while before we go."

She shrugged and giggled. "Okay."

The dark leather of the backseat was chilly, too, but I didn't mind.

Jessie closed the door and turned to me, resting her head on her elbow and yawning. "I had fun tonight."

"Me too," I replied, twirling a strand of her hair around my finger. She took her hat off and tossed it under the seat. Naturally, we moved closer and I pulled her head to my chest.

I breathed in her scent. I couldn't tell if it was the last traces of her vanilla perfume or if it was just... her. She always smelled good. I let it waft over me as I repositioned and stretched out in the seat. She moved on top of me and buried her face in my neck, and for a while we were content just watching the sun disappear.

We got so lost in  the silence and holding each other that, until I heard the car sound off, I hadn't thought about her falling asleep. But her breathing was slower, and when I looked up, her eyes were closed. The driver was still by the stage door waiting to see if anyone else from the theatre was sharing the ride with us.

"Jess?" I asked softly.

"Hm?"

"Oh."

"What?" She sighed and sat up, stretching and wincing in the adorable way I loved. Everyone did the same thing when they stretched, but she did it... differently?

She seemed to do everything a little differently in a good way.

"I was just seeing if you were awake," I said, running my thumb along her hand. "The driver is almost here."

I sat up and she moved into my lap. "You're so pretty," I said, looking up into her sea-colored eyes. They were bright blue, with a little green mixed in. Suddenly my stomach felt like it was plunging into cold water.

Jessie smiled. "So are you." 

Her lips grazed my cheek. Her lips lingered down to my lips, and suddenly we were kissing. I locked the car and kissed back.

Neither of us wanted to pull away to breathe. I could see her exhales in the dark, little white clouds that held a minty smell from the gum she'd been chewing. A moment later, we pulled each other close again and kept making out. Harder.

There was no way to describe it except for delicious.

Her plump lips met and fell away from mine in an intoxicating rhythm. I missed this. I wanted more, and I could tell she did, too.

When we had to breathe again, I found myself gently unbuttoning her coat, not worrying about the fog on the windows.

She blinked and looked down. "Sara?"

"Jess?"

She helped me pull her coat off and we kissed again.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Suddenly, she sucked in a breath and pulled away a little. "Uh, sorry, I just."

"What? What did I do?" I asked.

"It's not you. It's just."

The moment had gone from perfect to uncomfortable in a split second, but I knew why. "We don't have to do anything we both aren't comfortable with," I whispered.

She smiled and nodded. Thankfully, it seemed genuine, and not like she was just settling for what I said. She looked over her shoulder and nudged me. "Sara, the driver."

I looked over to see him walking towards the car. "Oh, shit"

The moment of awkwardness between us quickly dissipated as we both laughed and sat up. Neither of us heard the car unlock again. The driver got in. Jess looked at me and smiled. She was coming home with me tonight.

We spent the drive looking through rehearsal pictures on my phone. Jessie ended up sitting in the middle of the backseat, allowing her to lean into and hug my arm.

"Oh, I like that one!" she whispered enthusiastically, pointing at the shot of me with her and Drew sitting on the floor of the stage.

"Students and the teacher," I said, smiling down at her.

"At least we're in it together," she sighed. Jess knew how dangerous it would be for me to post our selfies online. It was risky enough with the Florida picture I had posted. It's hard to avoid speculation of who is and isn't more than friends today... we couldn't have anyone making assumptions.

"Yeah, I like that. Drew is a nice buffer," I said.

"Drew, your understudy," Jessie joked.

I bit my lip to avoid bursting into laughter. "I hate you," I whispered playfully.

"Shut up, you love me."

We arrived at my place and wasted no time finding our way into bed. Cuddled up with one another amongst blankets and pillows, I rested my head on Jessie's shoulder for a change as her head rest atop mine. Our mugs of tea were left on the side tables to cool next to our charging phones.

We laid in silence for a while until I felt Jessie's hand reach over to meet mine.

"So I guess we're not gonna talk about how we just almost had sex after we've been tiptoeing around each other for the past two weeks?"

I turned towards her urgently. "What?"

"Slow down, just let me talk. You know our little... whatever it was. When I said I needed space. We never talked about it after that and things got all awkward and then you went to California and came back and things were all of a sudden fine but not really fine and now we're all over each other and really damn happy about it. I'm confused."

I squeezed her hand, stifling a laugh at her rambling and blatancy. "Me too, Jess. But you're the one who said you needed space."

"I know. But when you were in California, it gave me time to think about things, and... I guess I'm just saying I want this us again. The us that happened tonight. I don't know what we've been lately, we're either up each other's ass or distant, but I want everything to go back to normal. Whatever that means."

"And what do you think that means?" I asked.

"I don't know. But I do know that this isn't any less scary, and I'm still confused, but what I said a few weeks ago... I don't feel that way anymore. At least, not as intensely. I want us."

I swear fireworks went off in my head at that moment.

She sounded so pained, so sure, so hesitant, and so excited all at once. And I knew. I felt that way, too. But knowing she was accessible... it felt freeing.

I grinned and kissed her forehead. "I want us, too. And I completely understand, I told you I felt the same way. But yeah, I want us to be okay, too. And, I mean, I think we are now."

She nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

I sighed, a warm feeling all-encompassing in the room. Finally totally peaceful, we said goodnight between yawns and kisses.