Not edited nor checked. Sorry for the errors.
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I'm on my way back home now and as much a I wanted to back out and hide in the boarding house, I know I can't let my brother down this time. His getting more mature and I felt like we're starting to torn apart. I'm really not sure though but this past few days, he chose to ignore me no matter how I tried to talk to him. When I texted him yesterday that I'll be coming home today, he just simply replied "whatever" and didn't text me again after that which kind of hurt me.
It's just a few blocks away from my home and I already felt like I'm going to puke with nervousness. I already drop Lizzy off her house a few minutes ago and now I'm starting to regret declining her offer in coming with me and staying here for a couple of hours.
I can already see our gate and that nostalgic yet painful feeling started to creep up my nerves. I blow my horn once alerting whose inside of my arrival. The gate open and it reveal Nanay Letty smiling widely and ready to give me a big hug. I hurriedly pulled over the garage, goes out the car and launched my self at her. I missed Nanay so much. It has been like what, a year? I'm not sure.
"I missed you so much Ashey. You've grown up into a beautiful young lady." She looked at me adoringly with tears in her eyes. She has been our mother ever since.
"I missed you too Nanay Letty. How are you doing here?"
"I'm fine dear, I just missed having you here." She said sadly, and that's when I realize that Brylle wasn't here.
"Where's Brylle Nanay? Why he isn't here? He knew I'll arrive today." I asked her though I can't help getting hurt knowing my brother isn't excited to see me and doesn't give a fuck if I'll be home or not.
"I'm so sorry dear, he left this morning saying he'll be hanging out with his friends until next day. I tried convincing him to stay so we can celebrate his birthday together, but he refused to listen and hurriedly left." She sadly said. I know she's hurt for me too and I know she was worried about Brylle.
"Why didn't he just wait for me and tell me that. I will understand. I know I hurt him but he should have at least wait for me." I was trying not cry but the tears were already rolling down my cheeks hastily that I can't control them anymore, I started sobbing at Nanay's shoulder.
"Shhhh...shhh...calm down Ashey. He just doesn't know how to handle things yet. He'll come around." She tried to comfort me but I don't think I will have any of that now. The emotion I am feeling right now was just too much too handle.
"I know I hurt him...I understand....I understand if he doesn't want to see me...but...but...this all just too much for me Nay...this is too much..." I kept sobbing that I forgot we are still at the patio.
"Shhh...that's enough Ash...calm down...let's get inside so you can drink some water yeah?" She slowly guided me to the kitchen and let me sit in one of the chair near the counter top. When I drown down the glass of water, I am already quite compose but I felt how puffy my eyes are.
"You want me to prepare you something to eat?" Nanay asked so motherly.
"No 'nay, I'll just eat later. I'll just have a rest for awhile and then I'll help you later with dinner."
"Okey then. You're room is ready, just tell me if you need something okey?"
"Yeah, see you later."
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After showering, I change into my shorts and tank top and hop to bed. I wanted to forget for a moment. I wanted to at least have peace even just for a few hours. I was exhausted from the long drive here, and my mind is so exhausted as well. I feel so drained and worn out.
I tried to get some sleep but no matter how I tried, my mind just don't shut down. I know I'm not supposed to take this continuously, but the sleepless nights I have is not so bearable. I open my bag and pull out the sleeping pills I always brought with me. I drown two tablets just to make sure that I'll fall asleep. It just took me a few more minutes before I was taken by darkness.
I don't know how long was I out, but I'm just so glad that I have at least a few hours of sleep without those painful dreams I constantly have for days now. I just freshen up a bit without bothering to change my clothes and headed down the stairs. Nanay Letty was already preparing the food at the table and I wanted to wallow into my sadness again when I notice that Brylle wasn't still here. I felt guilty leaving him here. If this is what he felt when I was away, then I think I just deserve being left by him too.
"Ashey, how's your sleep?" Nanay asked with a smile but just like mine, hers doesn't also reach her eyes.
"It was great 'nay. I haven't had a dream today which is good." I tried to be as enthusiastic as I can be because I know she's just as affected as I am.
"That's better. We'll, I prepare your favorite dish and no diet for now, okey?"
"Yes 'nay! Though, you didn't wake me up so I can help you prepare dinner." I pout at her which she returned with a loving smile and a pat to my cheeks. Mom.... Can't help thinking my mom when I am being treated like this.
"Hey! Don't be sad sweety, I just want you to have a good sleep. Tomorrow you'll be helping me though. We're going to the grocery."
"Sure thing! So, what are we waiting for? Let's dig in!" I said as happily as I can though deep within, I am far from being happy.
I miss my brother and I want him here but it seems like he doesn't needed me anymore. I felt so terrible right now.
Damn this life.....
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Oh yeah! Two updates in a day! How was that guys? Don't you like it? Hehehe...I don't know, I just kind of feeling a bit inspired today...who knows, I might add another update later or tomorrow perhaps? What do you think? ;-)
Read now, vote then comment...
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