My Name is Bill Cipher

I Can't Let Go

Don't go near the statue, don't go near the statue. This stupid statement rings in my head and I'm tired of it! Those Pines twins can keep their constant dim-witted remarks to themselves. Ever since they arrived the other day, they nag me constantly, telling my not to approach the stone of my previous form. Do they think I'm dumb? I'm done with them. Done! I don't even listen to what they have to say to me now. Every remark simply goes in one ear and out the other. Don't, don't, don't. It's like they think I'm a child! I am Bill Cipher! I've been alive for thousands of years! Gravity Falls is still mine! How dare they treat me like it isn't! I yell in fury and frustration. Don't talk to anyone, don't leave the yard, don't go near the statue. I scowl as I mock their words. Oh, how I despise Stanley and Stanford Pines. They try to ruin EVERYTHING!
     I'm leaving this place, no matter what they say. I'm my own person, I can do what I want. Those Pines think they're so high and mighty! Well, guess what? News flash! I'm in power here, human or not! And I'm going to prove them wrong! I am going to that statue! I feel my emotions building up. I feel exhilarated. Perhaps going back to the way I was isn't that bad. Who cares what happens? I will be who I was again! I will be Bill Cipher again! Yes! I feel my conscience fading. Do I really want this? Do I want to be Bill Cipher again? I could destroy everything. I could destroy everyone. This isn't good, but I feel like this is what I want, isn't it?
     My previous desperation had compelled me to do desperate things. Through all of that I had become more human. I felt emotions that I never could've experienced as a demon. But I'm not desperate anymore, I'm not dying, I'm very much alive. I've felt terribly depressing human emotions. I've felt the horrid feeling of guilt, the confusing feeling of love, and the unnatural feeling of gratefulness. I said I was sorry. I think I might've even asked for forgiveness. I made a softhearted deal! I expressed gratitude! It's disgusting! That's not who I really am! I want to be myself again! Not some dumb kindhearted human! But... do I really? This new human side of me has kept his emotions. He still feels the pangs of guilt, love, and gratefulness. But I have to let go of that! That can't me me! No! I just have to... let go!
What a shallow human I've been! Apologizing because of my actions? Please! What kind of fool was I? Is this what my desperation, my fear, and my near death has caused me to do?! Cower at the feel of children that I may receive their favor?! NO! You can change. That wasn't who you really were, yes, but there is still time- NO! What am I thinking?! I'm not a human anymore! Let go, LET GO!
     My mind keeps leaving, but then coming back to me. No, I've made up my mind. I am Bill Cipher and nothing can change that! My awareness fully fades away. I'm feeling the least amount of human I ever have since I woke up next to the water tower. I can't even remember what it was like being a human. Yes, you can. That's a lie! Go away! I hit my head, a useless attempt to make my human thoughts flee. The only thing left of me being a human is this body. I have to find my old one. And I will. I begin I laugh, it's a very unsettling feeling. It's almost like a human bit of myself still clings to me. I'm sort of aware of what I'm doing, but I don't feel aware as I did when I felt human. I feel like old Bill Cipher. I'm back in business! Well... mostly.
No! Don't! Go back, go back! Strange thoughts run through my head. I feel as if there's another being inside of me, pulling me back. Stupid human emotions! They can't get me anywhere! But I can't let go! No matter what I do, that new part of me isn't going away! I don't know what to do! This is getting terribly annoying.
Don't throw your chance away! My human thoughts whir. Go away! I have to let go! Maybe you can change! Destroy your old self! Stay human! No! What silly thoughts humans must have. Always contradicting themselves. I think someone should have one thought and stick to it. These human thoughts are so annoying!
     I'm developing a pounding headache. Spots are dancing in front of my eyes. I can barely stay on my feet. Voices are yelling at me from the inside of my head. So many voices! So jumbled, incomprehensible anymore! I'm Bill Cipher, but something's telling me I shouldn't be. All I have to do is let go of that something. I'll be fine! Why is this happening to me? I don't even know what side of myself is in control. The headache is spreading to a dull throb throughout my body. I put my fingers to my temples in pain. What's wrong with me? I don't like this! It hurts! I scream with all my newfound human emotions, with fury, with pain, with heartache, with confusion.
     "LET GO!"