My Name is Bill Cipher

Reason to Forgive

"Mabel, Mabel!" I cry out after the girl a few steps ahead of me. She turns around and smiles at me, her chocolate eyes twinkling with happiness.
"What's going on?" she asks me.
This is the first time I've found Mabel alone today: outside the Mystery Shack. I think she's going to water the flowers in the new garden. Now is the perfect opportunity to speak with her about Ford's deal. "Hey, I need your help."
"With what?" Mabel replies, continuing to make her way to the flower bed.
"I made a deal with Ford."
"You did? It must've been pretty serious." She pulls a funny face and laughs. She's not taking me seriously at all! I clench my fists in annoyance.
"I'm being serious, Mabel!" I exclaim, exasperated. "I need you to take this seriously! This isn't a joke! My life depends on you." I point at her for emphasis.
I've got her attention now. "Me?" she asks, pointing back at herself.
"Uh-huh." We've stopped walking and are now at the flower garden. "I need you to agree with my side of this argument I had with Ford." I give her an overview of my conversation with Sixer. After I finish, she ponders what I've said while she weeds the garden. I find myself helping along side her.
     "Wow," she says at last. "That is actually pretty serious. So... you think I'm the only one in the zodiac that can help you?"
     "Yeah," I reply. "You're the only one I could think of that actually would be foolish enough to trust me!" As soon as I've said it, I know it's come out wrong.
     Mabel's face darkens in anger as she glares at me. "I hope that's a joke, Bill." But her voice holds no hint that she thinks I'm joking.
     "No, I didn't mean it like that! It's just that, no one else would put myself before themselves, I mean, because I'm a dream demon, I tried to kill you all and I pretty much hated you- oh, stars, none of this is coming out right." I groan. I've blown it. A few simple sentences I've said have possibly gained me my death sentence. What have I done?
"You know, I actually thought you were different from other people, Bill. I really did think you had a heart."
"What? But I do have one. I'm human now, feel my pul-"
"No, Bill!" Mabel snaps. I've never seen her in a mood like this before. She's not just frustrated with me, she's angry. "A heart; as in those kind, loving feelings you possess. I thought you were better than this, Bill. I really did. But now I know that Dipper was right. You can't change."
I can feel the terror crossing my face as a wave of pain flashes across Mabel's. That's it. It's over. She was the last one who ever gave me a chance and I threw the chance away. I'm going to die. I really, truly am going to die.
My knees give out from under me as the weight of my fear crashes upon me. To tell the truth, there's a chance that I'll be completely fine if the zodiac works. But I honestly don't believe that that will be the case. I needed Mabel to speak to Ford for me... but, in spite of that, I needed her... to be beside me whenever I was lonely, to tell me how everything was going to be okay, to stick up for me!
But I hurt her. I didn't mean to, but I still did. Oh my stars, how could I have been so stupid!? I just carved my fate in stone.
     I look up at Mabel and say in desperation, "My name is Bill Cipher. I know I was desperate and asked for help when I first came to you. I know how I told you that that was not really me, that I was just desperate, and my human self was unstable. But hear me out now. This is the truth. I need your help. I need you. I made a mistake. I know I'm asking a lot from you, but I need another chance. I need you to forgive me, and then we can move on with our lives." I pause and then say, "Please."
     She sighs. "Bill, you've done a lot of bad things. Not just what you said today, though that wasn't right. I've done a lot of bad things, too. But forgiveness is a costly thing. It's fine to ask for it if you really are sorry... but it's really hard. It takes time. Tell me, have you ever forgiven someone?"
     Memories of people at my feet pleading for mercy and forgiveness flood my head. "I judged them all," I tell her. "They had wronged me, gotten in my way, and defied me. I had absolutely no reason to forgive them for what they had done... right?"
     "I... I don't know," Mabel admits. "But if you find no need to forgive, do I have a need to forgive you?"
     "N-no," I stutter. She's correct. It would be hypocritical of me to say otherwise.
     "But I'm not the kind of person to refuse forgiveness," Mabel tells me. "I will forgive you, I do forgive you, no matter how long it takes to do so, but you hurt me and my family mentally, Bill. And that kind of pain takes a long time to heal. It may never heal. I will never forget the moment you were about to kill me or my brother. I will never forget your face. It's not just the nightmares, Bill. Even if I didn't have those horrible dreams, I never will forget you and the terrible things you have done to me, my family, my friends, and this town. I'm never going to get over the horrors you've caused us to suffer through. I forgive you, Bill, but ask nothing else of me."
     This can't be happening...