My Name is Bill Cipher

Tearing Me Apart

"Hello! Come in! Take a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?" Highly hospitable Mabel ushers our guest inside. To be honest, I have no idea who I was expecting to come over, but it sure wasn't this guy.
"S'all right," our visitor answers in a heavy accent. "I'll jus' make make myself at home," he says as he takes a seat on his couch. His almost cartoony scientific glasses (goggles?) reflect the ceiling lights.
I stand up from my seat and whisper to Mabel, "So how is he going to help us?"
"Trust me," Mabel answers simply. "Old Man McGucket, our dear Bill here does not know yet why you are here with us today."
"Why are you talking like that?" I ask.
"Shh," she answers immediately, a finger to her lips. "Would you care to explain?" she asks Fiddleford.
"I honestly have no idea if any of this'll work. I reckon it'll be a big failure," the man tells me.
"You reckon?" I repeat, completely unimpressed.
"Yeah," McGucket answers, clearly not catching my sarcasm. "But ya never know 'till ya try, eh?"
     "Eh," I answer, deadpan.
     "Let's get started, then!" Mabel clasps her hands and thanks Fiddleford again for coming. What the heck is going on here?
"So are either of you going to explain to me or what...?"
"'ere's the thingamadad," McGucket starts. "Mabel 'ere thought ya could use ma help. Ya know, in case yer chaos infused human body works somewhat like a machine or somethin'."
"That's dumb," I immediately reply.
"Bill!" Mabel chastises.
"What?" I retort. "You have so much
hope to believe an idea as stupid as this would even slightly work! I'll look like a fool believing in this!"
"Like you're one to talk!" Mabel shouts back. "I'm trying to help you!"
I bite back yet another retort and sigh. "Yeah, thanks, but I don't need it. There's nothing on this earth that can help me now."
"Would you just let me try?" Mabel pleads desperately.
I heave another sigh. "Fine."
I should not have said 'fine'. Fiddleford has been poking and prodding me with his 'doohickeys' and 'doodads' for almost an hour. The near silence drives my thoughts to sudden pains I've been getting in my head, my stomach, shivers running down my spine, burning sensations inside me. This has been going on for a while now, but this is probably how human bodies work, right? Random periods of pain happen sometimes. Humans get sick, don't they? Anyway, these foreign tests are giving Fiddleford no information and taking away the last bit of forced patience I have. These two are on my last nerve. I've had enough!
"Huh. Tha's peculiar," McGucket suddenly says.
"What? What is?" Mabel jumps up.
"Cipher, wha's the las' thing ya were feelin'?"
"Um, well, I was pretty frustrated with you both, you were on my last nerve, I was a little angry, I guess-"
"A solar panel!" Fiddleford exclaims. Now Mabel is just as confused as I am.
"What?" we both reply.
"Through ma research over the past hour, I've found that his chaos level acts as another heat source to his form. It's been randomly spiking and I didn't know why. Jus' a momen' ago, I detected it spikin' more than I've ever seen. I conclude that whenever he feels a sense of passion, his chaos levels go through the roof. It's like a solar panel. Those feed offa the sun and only the sun and react to it. Bill's form may act in a similar way. It explains why his second eye turned yellow and his voice echoed before he could control it. I dunno if any of this'll help ya, but this is all I can do."
Mabel, probably just as confused as I, replies, "Thank you for your time. We can call you if we need?"
"Yep! Good luck," Fiddleford wishes us, packing up his things. "I should be goin' now. It's almos' three o' clock. I'm visitin' ma son today."
"Thank you," Mabel says. She jabs me in the gut after a moment of silence. I guess I have to say it, too.
"Thanks," I murmur as McGucket exits the house and closes the door behind him. "Well," I sigh, exasperated, "we're nowhere further than we were before he came!"
"That's not true. If he's right, we know a lot more," counters Mabel.
"If he's right." I put emphasis on that key word. "Let's say he is, what are we going to do with what we know now, huh?" A look of hurt passes over Mabel's face. A mass of guilt pools in my chest. "I'm sorry," I murmur. "But I really am wondering what advantage this information can give us."
"If what McGucket deduced was true... when we perform the zodiac, will it be possible to destroy all of your chaotic nature without it at its peak?" Mabel wonders aloud.
"I- I don't know. Will that matter?"
"Yes. Let's say we performed the ritual, but your chaos wasn't at its max level, therefore, the zodiac only eliminating parts of your chaotic nature. Let's say you lived. Your chaos would remain, we would still be in potential danger, and... Bill, I think it's hurting you."
     I can almost feel my face pale. "What?"
     "You may have thought we don't notice, but you haven't been well recently. I mean, it's not as bad as when you first arrived, but something is wrong with you, Bill. If Dipper isn't well soon enough to perform the zodiac... You know something's not right, don't you? Don't hide anything from me," Mabel warns.
     "Uh... well, I guess I've kind of got some headaches and stomachaches, but it's nothing to worry about." As soon as I finish saying it, a searing pain tears through my gut, this one worse than any others I've experienced.
     Mabel must see the pained expression on my face. "Bill! Are you okay?"
     "Im fine!" I snap, though I don't feel fine at all. As soon as the gut wrenching pain diminishes, a throbbing, pounding from the inside of my head replaces it. This one is worse than my last one, though it's not unbearable. I'm fine. I'm fine. I just need to lie down or something.
     "Bill!" Mabel shouts again. Another pang rips through my stomach; I can't stifle my moan. "It's like it's tearing you apart from the inside," Mabel says in realization. "Your chaos can't be in such a confined body anymore, can it?"
Her rhetorical question lingers in the air.
     I cry out once more. My pain has gone from nearly nothing to excruciating. "I'll call Grunkle Ford, okay?" Mabel asks, worry masking her voice. "Okay? Bill!"
     "Okay," I answer, my voice strained. This is so sudden! What's happening to me?! Is Mabel right? Is my chaotic nature what's causing me this agony? What set it off? Has it just had long enough of confinement?
     Red spots dance in front of my vision and I double over as another wave of pain overtakes me. This really does give the sensation that this is tearing me apart. My world fades to dark.