My Name is Bill Cipher

Loving Firsthand

     I'm awakened by sharp pain in my gut. I gasp slightly, wondering where I am. I open my eyes and examine my surroundings blearily as I adjust to the light.
     "He's awake, Stanford," a sudden voice causes me to look to my left; there sits Stanley Pines. I... I'm in Sixer's lab. What's going on?
     "Ah," Ford replies simply. He walks to the side of the simple table I'm laying on (it's quite uncomfortable, even if I wasn't hurting in the first place). "Cipher, inform me of any kind of pain you are experiencing." He's holding a notepad and pen in his hands, awaiting my response.
     "Do you know what's going on?" I ask, my question holding as much distressed cluelessness as a little child's. I try to ignore the aching hurt all over my body.
     "Just answer what I ask of you, Cipher," Ford responds bluntly, his voice void of emotion.
"Ford, are ya sure the kid wasn't just exaggerating?" Stanley gestures to me. Exaggerating?! Really?!
"No, no, this is much more serious than you know," Ford replies. His words send a shiver through me.
"Fine. Tell me what's up, then," Stan responds.
"Mabel told me what she thinks is wrong with Bill. I agree with her theory. His confined chaos has nowhere to go. It has finally reached its borders of confinement of Bill's human body. Chaos is not a thing that can be confined. It has no limit. It will keep going until it can escape its confinement. This will probably kill him."
Oh my stars. Oh no, no...
     "Well, wasn't our hopscotch magic zodiac stuff going to do that anyway?" Stanley asks. Seriously?! I'd appreciate a little more respect, man! I lose my train of thought when I begin to cough. Stanley jumps away.
     "Not necessarily," Ford responds. "The problem is, if this inhuman nature destroys him, it escapes, looking for a new vessel to inhabit. If that vessel were human, it would likely do the same to that person as it had done to Bill. I couldn't have that happen. Not to Dipper, not to Mabel, not to you." I had expected his voice to break then, but he still holds his stoic expression and stature. "Now, Bill, tell me what pain you're experiencing."
     I clear my throat. "None of it is as intense as it was... yesterday?" Stanford nods. I continue. "The pain is very random; though most of it is in my stomach, I've gotten headaches, and sharp hits of pain literally anywhere. I don't know how else to describe-" I cut off as I wince under a jab of pain in my chest.
     "I see," Stanford replies, writing something down in his notes.
     "What are we supposed to do? We can't do the zodiac as soon as we need, can we?" Stan asks.
     "We are going to have to."
     "And Dipper?" adds Stanley.
     "He'll manage. He's well enough," Ford decides.
     "So when are you planning for this to happen?"
      "Today, if possible. The sooner, the better."
     My heart seems to stop. Today? The thing that I've been dreading for weeks, my possible death, my life in the hands of my previous enemies, is happening within the next few hours?! "T-today?" I stutter, dumbstruck.
     "Believe me, its better for you, too, this way." Is Ford trying to... reassure me?
     "Oh," I try not to let my fear show. It must be obvious though; I'm shaking. I push myself to an upright sitting position. "Can I talk to Mabel?" Mabel is the only one I really trust. She'll make me feel safer. I don't feel safe at all right now. I'm scared. I don't want the others to know how frightened I really am. I don't know if it's the pain in my gut or just anxiety, but I don't feel well at all.
     The Stan twins glance at each other. "Alright," Stanford replies. "We'll call everyone else over."
     I nod. They head to the elevator and I am left to wait for their niece to come down. Soon enough, the elevator returns, the doors open, and Mabel steps out. Rushing to my side, she asks, "Are you alright?"
"No, not really," I reply gravely. "Did you hear what's going to happen?"
     "Yes. But you know that it's going to be better for everyone this way, even for you."
     "I kno-" I moan suddenly, overtaken by another gut-wrenching pain. As soon as it passes, I continue. "I know. But that's not going to calm my nerves. That's not going to make me any less afraid."
     "You don't have to worry," Mabel says softly. "We'll all be there with different intentions. I'll be there for you."
     "And if I die?" I ask, my voice just as low.
     "No! You're not going to die, okay?"
     "...You're not very good at lying either," I whisper. Mabel looks taken aback.
     "You can't say that, Bill. We don't know. I don't know what's going to happen to you. But I have hope. You've got to have some, too!"
     "I want to, but you don't understand how much fear I have!" I cry.
     "...It might be close to the fear I feel."
     I'm astonished at what she's said. Does this mean... "What are you saying?"
     "I- I," she stutters. "I love you," she whispers, looking down. "I love when you smile at me, I love that cute look on your face when you're happy, embarrassed, and when you're having fun. I love your laugh, though I don't hear it often. I love your thoughtfulness. Who would've thought?! You've learned so much." She smiles. "And I want you to stay. It's been crazy ever since you came here, but... at least I can say my life has been changed for the better."
My heart is racing. I'm speechless. I open my mouth to reply, but no words come. "Did I say something wrong?" she asks, looking at me intently.
"No," I say, breaking into a smile. Before I even have a second thought, I lean in and kiss her.
     Mabel's eyes open wide, first with surprise, then she closes them, melting into the kiss. I've never wanted a moment to last as much as this one. I take her hand and we are lost in a moment where it's only the two of us. There's nothing else to worry us. I'm safe. There are no imposing threats. There's nothing, no one but us. I feel as if all the color has been restored to my life. I came here with despair and dread. Mabel has filled me with peace and hope. Love is another foreign emotion humans have. No other species feels it as directly. And here I am, loving firsthand. And I'm happy.
     We break apart and I see how pink Mabel's face has flushed. I assume mine looks the same. She has a mixed expression of shock and wonder and joy on her face. I smile again, with just as much joy as she.
     "I love you, too."