why (yoonmin)

chapter 18

....
M.Y.

I jumped awake after a loud bang woke me from my sleep. I couldn't remember anything that was going on in my dream but I did know that I wanted to wake up badly but I was unable to.

I felt alone,scared, worried. I didn't know where I was, how I'd gotten to such a bland colorless place while I was out but I didn't care. I needed to find z. I felt my heartbeat quicken when I realized what was going on.

I had been abandoned and left at a stranger's house to fend for myself. I looked over the place slowly taking everything in until I was met by orange hair gently splayed over the white counter top. Whoever they are seemed to be passed the hell out and didn't seem to be waking up anytime soon. I took the opportunity up to look around. If I waited for them to wake up maybe they could give me some answers, or not.

It was a clean, mostly, looking place save for the random cups laying around. I used the -very clean- bathroom and washed my hands after with caramel smelling hand soap. I walked back to the couch and sat down and waited.

I was starting to doze off until I heard the faint rustling of clothes. I looked over to watch the person bend down and pick up something from the ground.

Oh....its Jimin...

My eyes locked with his. He looked scared, why? I kept my emotions under control.

"H-Hey, how are you feeling ?" Oh yeah ,he was scared.I ignored his question and went for what concerned me most.

"Where is Zico and why am I here and not with him?"

"I'm not sure, he um, he called me said you were missing, I went out to look for you and found you at the studio a sleep or something on the floor. I assumed you wanted to write and passed out from exhaustion." I felt my eyes squint. I knew where I was. I know what I did. I let him keep the lie.

"Do you remember-"
I interrupted. "How much do you know?"
I was curious on how much he knew about my past life.i felt my body start to shake.

'He knows everything. Kill him too.'
No, I need him. He is here to answer all of my questions.

"I know a bit, just..... what Zico wanted to tell me at least. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want me to know though." At least Zico had some sort of filter.

"Tell me then."

"I know that you wer-are in a gang with Zico, I know you've killed ... A lot of
people...here recently too....That's all though. "

his voice dropped again. I didn't like where this was going.a bad feeling attacked me. I needed Zico, my boyfriend, my comfort. I felt even more lost than I had before.

"Where is Zico? I should be with him right now." The onset of a panic attack washed through me. When I got no reply, my entire world crashed down on me. He left me. I couldn't hear anything. I wanted to be happy with z, I wanted to be by his side forever.

'He left you because you're insane. He didn't want to deal with you.'

I shoved my head into my hands.

No, he would never leave me because he couldn't handle me. He was the only one who could. He loved me. I loved him.

A flash of my parents bodies ran through my mind.

'You killed them and now you have no one to help you. You've destroyed us in more ways than one.'
I can't go back. I'll never find him again. He's going to run and hide again.

I felt the seat next to me move. Jimin must have sat down. He was asking me something but I could only hear the voice in my head and the sobs that left my mouth. I just shook my head. I didn't want anything if it wasn't Zico.

The feelings of arms being wrapped around me gently calmed the panic just a bit. I still wanted to die. That was going to stay, just like his voice. The only thing that would remind me of him now.

I let my walls crumble down while in this almost strangers arms

-update 9 of 10 -