why (yoonmin)

chapter 21

....
M.Y.

"Why did you do that? Jimin is my friend, he isn't going to hurt us. I didn't want to hurt him, you knew that. Why why why?"

'He is not zico, he doesn't matter to us.'

"Yes he does! He matters more than my mom and dad did, he matters more than Zico because he hasn't abandoned me. He matters and you had me nearly kill him..."

'No one will ever matter more than the only person we love.'

"I don't think I love him anymore. Whatever feelings I have towards him are because of you. They are artificial, not real,not me. You're not real either, you're only in my head! I want to be left alone. Why won't you go away again? I want you out of my head!"

'I'm not going anywhere.'

"I guess I'll just have to make you then. Can't make me do anything if you're dead! If I die you should to, everyone will be safer that way."

'We can't leave Zico, he needs us.'

"He doesn't and neither does anyone else." I got up from the bed and walk out the door to the kitchen. Jimin had to have a knife somewhere around here. I started opening all the drawers two at a time until I found the silverware. Of course Jimin would only have butter knives. I closed the drawer and started looking around on the counter tops. What was that thing called? Cutting board? No.
Then I spotted it, the knife block next to the stove on the far end. I rushed to it and quickly grabbed a knife randomly from the block.

'I'll do it again. Don't try it.'

I pressed the knife tip against my wrist vertically. "Try me! I dare you to take my body over again!" Blood started to pool where the sharp tip had broke the top thin layer of skin.

The same sharp pain in my head came back, but it only made my press harder and drag the blade up a bit.

"Stop!"

"No."

The pain grew as it spread to the back of my head. I let out a loud growl.

"Ill only drag the knife up further, back off."

"I can't do that. Zico is waitin-"

"Shut the fuck up about Zico, he is nothing, he will forever be nothing!"
I dropped the blade and grabbed my head. The pain was killer.

"Jimin.. Jimin help! Please! Jimin!" Tears started to fall and the voice fell silent but the pain was even worse. I was crying.

The door had opened without my notice but I didn't let the hands touching me go past my aching mind.

"Stop, stop, let me have control back. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't do it again." The hands stopped touching but I could clearly hear a voice next to me.

"Yoongi? Hey, are you okay, what happened ?"
"Hobi..?"
"Yoongi you're bleeding. Come on, get up so I can help you."
"No, stop you can't. Don't touch me, I don't want to hurt you too. Get back...please...just stay back."
The pain started to subside, thank god. I opened my eyes to see a worried looking hoseok standing between the archway into the living room. I could see him shaking, probably because of the blood. He'd always been a little squeamish as we grew up only to get worse as an adult.

Once the pain had fully went away I was left weak and bleeding on the kitchen floor. "Hobi, I need help. I can't move on my own. It's ok now, I'm ok now. "
It took him a moment before he had finally moved from his spot but i wasn't in any rush. I could have easily slept on the kitchen floor just the same as a bed.