How to Say Goodbye

Chapter 8

She walked into my room and turned the radio on, turning the volume up past loud to neighbors-call-the-cops explosive.

She started singing along with Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up", and I joined in with her. It was one of my favorite songs.

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love; I'm still looking up," we sang together. I stopped singing and let Rylee take over. She got to the part when the words were, "I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily. I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make" when I turned the volume way down and looked at her.

She knew me well enough to know something was up, so she sat down on my bed and patted the seat next to her.

"You gave me ‘the look’. So c’mon. What's on your mind, Sage?" she asked as I laid down next to her.

I sighed. How to start? Might as well just dive in. "They're leaving in a week."

She touched my arm and surprisingly remained calm. "When will you see him again?"

I closed my eyes. "That's the thing I needed to talk to you about."

"I'm listening, honey."

I smiled a little. I had gone to the right person. "Niall asked me to go with them. He said he didn't want to ruin our relationship with distance. Because we're different than Liam and Danielle and Louis and Eleanor.... I live on the other side of the ocean.... I don't know where I'll go after they stop touring, and I don't want to give the relationship hope if it will just end suddenly. I don't know what to do."

I felt Rylee lay down next to me. "Sage, what's really holding you back? It's me you're talking to, not any of the boys. I'll understand."

I covered my face with my hand. "I have a life here. I have people who love me and great friends and wonderful dreams and...." I trailed off, scared to say the real reason.

But Rylee understood. "And because Jeremiah is here?"

I nodded my head and leaned back up. "All of my memories, all of my past is rooted here. I don't know anything else. And I'm not sure I want to."

Rylee rubbed my back. "I understand."

I looked at her. "What should I do?"

She gave a small laugh and shook her head. "I'm not you. I don't feel what you feel. In the words of Switchfoot, this is your life. Are you who you wanna be?"

I didn't know, but I had to find out fast, and I knew just what to do.

"Where are you taking me?" Niall asked from the passenger seat. I had borrowed my mom's car and told him that I wanted him to meet somebody.

We had completely left the city, and even the suburbs, and we were surrounded by wide open fields of nothing. I remembered so well the gentle slope of the hills and wide curves of the road from my monthly visits. I remembered blaring the music so I could escape my thoughts and rolling down the window to feel the wind through my hair. I remembered getting lost more than once as I travelled to the sacred spot. It seemed like yesterday.

I laughed. "It's a surprise! You'll just have to wait and see."

He reached across the stick-shift and took the hand that was in my lap. "Well, at least tell me if we're almost there."

I laughed again and turned onto a gravel road. "About another mile or so."

I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He looked excited and full of anticipation. That made me happier than words could ever describe.