How to Say Goodbye

Chapter 15

But he didn't show up. My parents came back in the room and stayed with me for the rest of the day. We didn't have much to say, and I wasn't in the mood to talk. I needed Niall.

I had about an hour before my surgery was to start before my parents finally noticed how distracted I was.

"Don't be scared, Sage," my dad said from his spot next to the window.

I smiled vaguely. "That's easy for you to say."

He shook his head. "I'm going to be honest with you. I've never been more scared in my life. I don't want to lose my daughter."

My mom snapped at him. "She is NOT going to die! She will be fine!"

My dad pursed his lips and stared back out the window.

"Has Niall been in to see you?" my mom asked as she took a seat next to my bed.

I shook my head, and my eyes started watering. "I'm scared he won't give me the chance to say goodbye."

She wiped the tears from my cheek. "Shhh, honey, shhh. Maybe he isn't ready to say goodbye."

I pleaded with her with my eyes. "I don't think anyone is ever really ready to say goodbye. He's being unfair."

My dad cleared his throat. "I can put myself in his shoes."

"What?" I asked. "How?"

He walked up and stood behind my mom. "I don't think I've ever told anyone but your mother about this story."

"What story?"

He took a seat facing me on my bed. "When I was about Owen's age, I had a younger brother. His name was Owen. Owen was only a year younger than I was, so we got along well. We were best friends who got into all kinds of trouble together. Your grandparents hated it! We always promised we would get better, but we never did. I guess you could say we were rebels." He gave a small laugh. "There was this old abandoned house down the street from where we lived that my parents forbid us to go to, but it was our little hang out spot. Just me and Owen. The house must have been so old, it was ready to collapse at any moment, but like I said-"

"You were rebels," I cut in.

He smiled. "Exactly. One night, we sneaked out of the house and went to our secret hang out spot. It was really dark outside, so we couldn't see the storm clouds in the distance, and we paid no attention to the thunder. We imagined the booms were our feet hitting the ground! But right as we got to the house, it started pouring rain. We didn't know where else to go, so we huddled up in a corner in the house. For the first time in my life, I was truly scared. But Owen wasn't. Every time the house shook because of the rolling thunder, and every time lightning struck just outside the door, he laughed. Eventually, I couldn't keep him in the corner any longer and he started running through the house as if nothing was going on outside."

"Oh no." I could tell where this was leading.

"There was one big roar of thunder, and lightning struck a nearby tree. And that tree came crashing down on the house...Right in the middle...Right where Owen was having a ball. It was instant. One second he was there, the next he was underneath piles of rubble. Rain started pouring in the house, and I guess he couldn't hear me calling his name from my safe place in the corner. So I went digging through the rubble, trying to find him. Eventually, I found him caught under a broken mirror. Shards of glass were stuck in him everywhere I looked, so I covered him up with a nearby piece of ceiling. Owen was slightly breathing, but his pulse was fading fast. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and cried. But Owen took my hand and said, 'Noah, I'm getting all wet. And I hurt all over. But you know what?' 'What?' 'I can see God and heaven and all the beautiful angels mama always talks about. I can see 'em Noah.' Owen wasn't scared at all. And he died while I was in the middle of telling him that it was okay to go, that he didn't need to hold on anymore. He was the strongest person I will ever know." He wiped the tears falling down my face. "I wasn't ready to say goodbye. And I still haven't said goodbye to him. Your brother is the proof of that. Niall, he loves you so much. He will never be ready or okay with saying goodbye to you." He kissed me on the forehead.

"Daddy, you're the strongest man I know," I whispered.

My mom smiled. "Sage, baby, this isn't about being strong. This is about having the guts to say you're weak. We are all weak."

She was right. Nobody would ever be strong enough to say goodbye to someone they love. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Jeremiah. My dad still wasn't ready to say goodbye to my uncle Owen. And Niall wasn't ready to say goodbye to me.

But he must have gotten over his fear because he walked in just as my parents were giving me hugs, and tears were streaming down each of our faces.

My mom quickly wiped hers away and tried to gain some control of herself. "Niall, hello. Noah and I were just leaving."

Niall smiled. "Thank you, Mrs. Tucker."

My mom shook her head and gave Niall a hug. "Please, call me April."

Niall nodded his head and watched them leave before he looked at me. "It's almost time for your operation."

I bit my lip and didn't say anything.

He took a step towards me. "Do you want to know a secret?"

I smiled and nodded.

He laughed and took another step. "Do you remember the night we first met?"

Again, I nodded.

He looked down at his hands. "I think I fell for you that night." He took a seat on my bed and gathered my hands in his own. "You didn't care that I was famous; you didn't care that millions of girls were screaming my name. But even if you did care, you had nothing to worry about. I was only interested in you." He laughed. "Do you remember the song I dedicated to you?"

I nodded my head.

"You stole my heart, Sage. No matter how cheesy it sounds, it's true."

"Niall, I-"

He cut me off. "Sage, let me get this out."

I squeezed his hands as encouragement.

He smiled. "I told you in our apartment that I never wanted to see you walk away from me again. I never wanted to feel that fear that you were gone forever. I still don't. You have no idea how hard it's been for me this past week, and I'm not the one with cancer in my brain." He bit his lip and struggled to find the right words. "I had a hard time getting here, coming to this room to say these words to you right now. But I came here to ask something of you, to give you something to hope for." He paused, waiting for me to give some kind of response.

"I love you." It was all I could come up with.

He smiled and tears started filling his eyes. "We're going to get married after this cancer is gone." He gave a small laugh. "Liam's going to get to be my best man, and Rylee's going to get to be your maid of honor, and your dad will be able to give you away. And we're going to have the ceremony in a little white church like you've always dreamed of, only close family and relatives allowed. And we're going to honeymoon all around the world and make Niall Jr. and Sage Jr. And we're going to have tons and tons of children and grandchildren!" He cleared his voice and calmed down. "And we're going to grow old together and retire in some remote town in Ireland where you can wake up every morning and see the rising sun over the hills. And our families will come and visit us every summer for a family reunion. And then one day, we'll pass together in our sleep. But not today, Sage." His voice wavered as he tried to keep it together. "You are not going to die today. So I'm not going to say goodbye to you. I'm going to tell you that I’ll see you when you wake up! And once you've woken up, you're going to tell me yes or no whether you want to marry me. But you are not going to die until we've completely lived our lives together, however short or long it may be."

We looked into each other's eyes, not needing words to understand what the other person was feeling.

But I needed to make it clear one more time. "I love you," I said, keeping my voice even. I didn't want to cry anymore.

But Niall couldn't help the tears that continued to fall, yet he still said, with so much strength in his voice, "I love you."

I smiled. "Kiss me?"

His reply was his lips touching mine ever so gently. It only lasted a moment before the nurses came in to prep me for my surgery.

The last image in my head before the anesthesia set in was Niall's beautiful blue eyes staring into mine.

And then there was only darkness.