My love for silence and peace grew and I started to spend more and more time in libaries since I also loved reading.
At first my 'friends' would question where I was but I've become way too irrelevant.
The pressure to stay cool was massive and I was suffering, therefore I enjoyed the time in the libary just twice as much, cause I was just with myself left in the silence.
I was obsessed with silence.
I always sat in the quietest coners, where nobody would see me, but I could see everyone.
Call me a creep, I mean I know I am one, but observing people and their behaivour was just one of my interest.
I was trying to find someone with a mindsetting that was just as difficult to understand than my own.
Maybe that was the reason why I liked Yoongi.
I couldn't understand his mind, and I didn't understand mine either, since I was never able to really be myself and had to play my role, but Yoongis mind was interesting to me and I wanted to understand his just as bad as I wanted to understand my own.
I thought If I could get to know him, I would maybe learn to be myself as well.
Society was just a big burden, which I still hadn't manage to climb.
My fear of becomming a loser, maybe even invisible was too big.
I didn't want them to pick on me.
I knew I couldn't handle it.
I felt like as long as I was known and irrelevant, my life was okay.
But I knew, If I could get over my fear and actually start living my life It would be a good one.
And with Yoongi it would be an amazing life.
I was blinded by society and didn't notice, the only person I really wanted to be irrelevant to and be known by was him.
_
A/N: I have no idea where this ff is going, I just write a bunch of thoughts down tbh
