They called him autistic but didn't even know what it meant to be autistic.
Cool kids are cold and only care about themselves.
If you are not good enough they will just dump you, not a big deal.
The pressure is enormous.
Once you are popular you need to pay more attention to your surroundings and try harder.
One wrong action, wrong words or wrong look
and game over.
Min Yoongi was never interested in being cool.
He really knew how to stay calm and just shrug it off if they picked on him.
No emotions in his face, maybe it was his carelessness that attached me so much.
What was his secret?
How did he managed to stay sane althrough they stared at him and made fun without hesitation?
I guess he was used to it.
I wish I was him.
I had all I needed and maybe even more.
I was this girl that sat quite in class, being intelligent and secretly judging those that I spend my whole time with.
But I still tried to fit in, laughing at their naive jokes,pretending that I would love them.
They were grey, and I tired to be grey as well.
Those teens love attention, so they would love the people, who give it to them. They wouldn't harm those who are their 'friends'. As long as those friends stay 'loyal' and don't start becomming too awkward.
Easy rules, but with every year I grew older, I noticed that it got harder to life like this.
At least for me.
I had many interests nobody else in my 'squad' had.
But I doubt them, and played a role: The role of the girls everybody likes.
I was pretty, but for most of the guys I wasn't pretty enough. Skinny girls were the type everyone wanted. I didn't fit in this ideal type with my curves, but I had confidence in my looks.
I worked years to keep up this Image and by now everyone liked me and this kept me alive.
This kept my self esteem up.
To be known.
To be recognized and to be someone others could be jealous of.
But all i wanted
was to be known
by him.
Cause he was the only one who caught my attention continuesly, since primary school.
He wasn't special for anyone but for me.
Very special.
Nobody really knew him. Since primary school he was a quiet kid.
Some thought he's autistic, always with his headphones in his ears and sometimes dozing off in the lunch breaks.
He was colourful.
I think everyone was so busy with ignoring him and sometimes judging him, that nobody noticed how stunning he was.
He barely spoke or took off his mouth mask but when he did I felt fascination.
His tired eyes hardly looked around, he was just always carring this little note book with him. I could only guess what he was written in it.
His eyes stared concentrated into it and his pen would careful move over the pages. It seemed like he was in his own world.
And I wanted to break out of my cage to discover his little world of it's own. I wanted to understand this mind, I wanted to see this paradise he probably lived in, but society trapped me.
He was not interested in me or anyone.
He would not free me.
He was an enigma.
And I desired to be an average girl.
But being an average girl wasn't easy to me at all, cause they did things I never did. Average girls went out and used make-up. I liked to stay inside and do things I'm passionate about.
Due to my little antisocial attitude, it was hard to just go out and meet with friends. I didn't like them anyway and felt like wasting my time, when we met.
I invisted my time only in things that seemed important to me
and the experience people expected from me to stay cool was made up in my clever mind.
'I drank alcohol the first time when I was 13 and omg it was the worst!'
'I kissed a boy, more than one! But trust me I dominated them!'
'Of course I know how it is to smoke.'
All those lies and nobody dared to ask more, cause everyone was affraid of the otheres making a fool of you.
You don't understand what we are talking about?
You are a loser.
But this is not how it should work.
Everyone should be accepted.
Even Yoongi.
What if he had all the experience we were starving for?
