The thing I didn't know at first was Hobi's plan.
He apperantly met a friend who happend to be in the audience and this friend asked him if he wanted to join a party.
Hobi obviously said yes.
Furthermore, he wanted us to join too, so we arrived at a strangers house, which was filled with a bunch of teens, the smell of sweat, alcohol and cigaretts.
The atmosphere was perfect to get drunk and give desperate french kisses to strangers just to recieve a hickey from them.
But I felt like holding Yoongi's Hand.
And so I did.
He looked at me with wide eyes.
I felt like kissing him, but even though nothing was stopping me there was something.
My stomach just felt weird and I was too nervous to actually go for it.
But I knew I had to enjoy this party, like it was my last one, maybe it was after all.
And so I decided to drink and drink.
I took a cup out of a strangers hand, how risky was that?
As I took a sip, the adrenalin just kicked in as well as the toxic substance was sliding down my throat and landed in my empty stomach, just to immediatly warm my whole body.
I gave Yoongi a sip.
And we both drank out one cup, then the next one and then another one.
At first the alcohol was just disgusting and drinking this with an empty stomach felt like the best recepie to vomit, but we both did it and the disgust on our faces turned with every sip more and more to a silly smile.
We were drunk.
We were blue.
And around us was everything grey.
Yoongi's smoke was grey and mine was too, when we smoked for the very first time, just to cough and drink more.
We were getting numb by the grey poison.
The others were lost by now, we lost them.
We lost our way.
We had our own path and when it was ten past twelve Yoongi leaned closer to me, giggling.
His lips touching my ear and he said:
"I think I'm drunk enough to say that I love you."
I smiled just to put down the cup and take his face in my hands, as we both giggled.
My heart was beating so fast but my mind was in a daze.
Our foreheads leaned against each other and I opened my mouth just too feel him doing the same thing.
"You should love yourself, first."
I said, laughing, before I made it.
I went for it and closed the gap between us.
His dry lips were the best thing for me to feel, and they tasted like alcohol and insecurities.
I would lick them all off and then slid with my tongue into his mouth, just to feel his tongue fighting with mine.
A brief moan escaped my mouth when he decided to bite my lip.
I had to push him off, leaving a string of saliva between us, to catch my breath again.
His heart was full of love in his hopeless life, and I wanted us to stay like this forever.
There were salted wounds and scars that held thousand of memories and for the first time I felt the urge for him to touch me, just another empty grey desire.
I wanted to go on, just one step further, before it was a little too late.
I was so fucked up.
He was fucked up.
I was fucked up with him.
There was more than a feeling I had for him, I could never bring it down by words.
I was numbed by the poison and for some hours he was all what I saw.
Just for a little bit.
I lived with him in this night, forgetting about my broken halo, and making choices with no regrets.
My hair smelled like smoke and green apples.
There were sips of alcohol on my shirt.
And we were gazing at the stars when we held hands and walked, nevermind, stumbled back home.
Everything felt so wrong yet so right.
I was addicted to every memory, where he kissed me but there was an end of the road and we arrived at my house.
I pulled him in for another kiss, we both giggling due to the love and alcohol running through our veins.
My blood boiled and my mom sighed deeply, when I stood infront of her trying to balance myself, just to see Yoongi at our gate, throwing up on her flowers before he left.
This was going to be forever in history, just then I left a pille of vomit infront of her feet.
I was feeling kinda weird.
I used to be overloaded by reality, sicken by society and swallowed by rumors.
And now I drowned myself in love, cigarettes and Yoongis kisses.
"Mom I'm blue"
