D: phil you're so pretty
P: thank you ily
D: oops the r was an accident
P: wha?
D: ...
P: OH
P: you rude bitch
D: thanks
P: hey dan have you seen a big spider anywhere
D: no?
D: wAIT WHY
P: no reason
D: PHIL LESTER IS THERE A SPIDER IN OUR HOUSE
P: no
P: yes
D: PHIL LESTER I'M ON THE FUCKING TOILET WHAT IF IT CRAWLS INTO MY ASSHOLE
P: I mean, you are stretched enough from last night
D: EXACTLY WHAT IF IT LAYS EGGS IN THERE
P: that'd get more views
P: do a story time and put *not clickbait* like every other youtuber bc they're totally not lying cough cough
D: PHIL I DON'T WANT TO BE A SPIDER NEST
D: HOW ARE YOU GONNA FUCK ME NOW
D: UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR DICK TO GET CHOPPED OFF
D: I DON'T WANT IT TO BE CUT ITS BIG AND THICK AND LONG AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY
P: Dan it hasn't even crawled into your butt
P: It's just crawling around the house
P: dan?
D: hi im in the middle of wiping my ass what do u want
P: gross
P: only Dan howell would freak out about a spider and then calm down right after to wipe his ass
D: duck off
P: ok i'll duck off
P: do you want a duck
D: shut up
D: duck you
D: **duck you
D: duck you butch
D: ******FUCK YOU BITCH
D: Jesus fucking christ autocorrect why have you forsaken me
D: PHIL SOMETHING CRAWLED ON MY LEG
P: where are you?
D: COUCH
D: oh nvm it was just a spider
D: WAIT
D: PHIL HELP
D: ok leave me on read fucknut
D: phiiiw
D: fuck u
D: pHIIIL
D: PHIL
D: phil
D: PHIl
D: PHil
D: Phil
D: phil
D: phiw
P: Jesus i was using the bathroom
D: YOU WERE USING THE BATHROOM WHILE I WAS BEING ATTACKED
P: bitch wer
D: FIL
D: I WILL MURDER U
P: no you won't you love me
D: duck u
D: GODDAMNIT
