Blue//LRH

33) Discover Weekly

             As I unpack everything in my room. Wait are you confused? Sorry let me start over. Once I got home from London with Izzy, I started to unpack. Jacklyn stayed with Alex because Michael is the father and blah blah blah. I understand. What happened between me and Luke has nothing to do with her relationship with her family. Izzy came back with me because she didn't want me to be alone and she missed Lucas and Scott. She was back at her place and I was at home. My home. My room. It felt nice. I did enjoy and appreciate being at Isadora's but home is home. My dad still isn't home but I'm ok alone. I need time alone with just me and my head. As I was folding the clothes from my suitcase and putting them into my dresser I couldn't help but see the fooled me once list I had posted. I glanced at the last thing I wrote down{chapter 27} and then I glanced at my wrist.{chapter 32} I still couldn't even believe what went down back in London. Every Time I'm there me and Luke fight. We seemed to be fighting a lot ever since we got together. Like I said, this is time for me to figure everything out. I'm putting on my detective cap.

The only thing written on my arm was l meaning the only thing I had left to conquering my feeling of being blue was lost. Luke then write uke followed by l showing me what exactly? That he is the reason why I'm lost? I said I'm not lost because I'm alone. He said he was lost because he was alone. How was I lost because of him? He helped me through everything and without him I would never be able to get by...........bingo. That's it. I was lost because he fixed everything for me. I could never do anything for myself because he was always there to pick up my pieces. Yes, if it wasn't for Luke I wouldn't be in the state I'm in. I would be much worse. But if it wasn't for him I just might have been able to do this on my own. All along the one helping me along may just have been putting me farther behind in the race. He felt the same but it was because he had no one to pick up the pieces for him that he is ok. He isn't broken anymore. He isn't blue anymore. I just said he wasn't the Luke I fell in love with {chapter 32} which I now know is a good thing. It can't be Luke anymore. It has to be me.
~
For the next 3 weeks all I did was go to school, come home, do my homework, listen to music and go to bed. I isolated myself from everyone and that was my plan until I felt like I wasn't lost. Until I felt okay. Then I could talk to Luke without fighting because I will have a clear mind and we can have a clean slate. He could finally be my boyfriend and not my broken heart.

As I continued with my new routine I put on my headphones and started listening to music. I don't know why but I decided to put on the discover weekly playlist on Spotify. I hit shuffle and music started playing through my headphones. The voice I hear is familiar and very attractive. Simmer down. Simmer down. They say we're too young know to amount to anything else, but look around we worked to damn hard for this just give it up now, and if you don't swim you'll drown so don't move. Honey.

I turned on my phone to see the artist because i can't believe what I'm hearing. Then I see it. Dreaming is deceiving seeing is believing, right? I believe it. It's them,  it's the single. The lyrics they say we're too young now to amount to anything else but look around we worked to damn hard for this just to give it up now ring in my head. It feels like I'm taken back to a few weeks ago. "You can't even amount to anything around you!" I yelled that straight to his face. I said he was in over his head, yet he's on the discover weekly playlist.
~
I went to the corner store to get a Frezzie I was really craving once I was done my homework. I walk in the store to hear if I showed up with a plane ticket and a shiny diamond ring with your name on it would you wanna run away too? Cause all I really want is you. I just shook it off and paid for my freezie.
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The next morning I took an uber to school and the radio just so happens to say
"That was 5 seconds of summers debut single she looks so perfect these guys are gonna sky rocket to the top. In a recent interview they said to expect an upcoming album and gave us the scoop on the music video! How exciting! Now we all want to know what's the secret behind the heart throb frontmen, Luke Hemmings' blue eyes, listen to what he had to tell us."

Voice on radio: Luke Hemmings//lead singer/Guitarist- 5 seconds of summer

"I was told once that it was the mood I was in. I don't think she really understood that it was just her all along. It was in her hands, what I was and who I am."

Host: "oh, she? Got a lady friend we should know about Hemmings?"

Hemmings: "yeah she is my girlfriend actually."

Host: "was she the inspiration behind some songs off the album?"

Hemmings: "all songs have certain lyrics but this one song me and Calum wrote, it's called beside you; I started writing it because i missed being with her but the part of me knew that every time we were together we just fought and said shit that we didn't mean or even worse, we did mean it and that played a big part in writing everything I didn't say which Ashton and Calum wrote once I came up with the concept."

I snapped back into reality when the uber driver tapped my shoulder. "We're here."