My Perfect Year

January 17, 2014-Friday

    I hear voices again, I hear James again and I decide that nothing can stop me from waking out of this trance. Nothing will stop me from opening my eyes. Not this time. I struggle i feel them flutter. I hear the beeps of the heart rate machine but I ignore it. James comes over to me and yells at my mom tp get a nurse. "Missy move if you can hear me", James says with his hand on mine. I force my fingers to grab his. He kisses my head. "Come on Missy you can do it open your eyes for me please". James says pleading with me. My eyes flutter. They open and I see James standing next to me our hands intertwined. The nurses rush in and ask James politely to leave. He refuses. They try dragging him out and tell him he wont want to see me in pain. I panic. Pain what pain? I think. He says "Nothing can be more painful than when she 'wasn't with me' or wasn't my girlfriend". He pushes the nurse aside and stands at my bedside holding my hand. I smile. The nurses put a needle in my arm to get my fluids up even more.

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       After they leave and I pee (because I really had to go) I'm tired. "Whats wrong?", James asks as our hands are intertwined. "Nothing just tired. Tired of fighting for everything I want and believe in. Im tired of one of us being gone or hurt or kidnapped. I'm just tired of it all", I say. "So am I. But I'm also scared", James replies. Scared? Of what?", I ask. "Im scared that if you fall asleep again you wont wake up. It's stupid but I'm tired of it all to", he says. "James I'm scared to. I don't want to leave you for good and I don't want to loose everyone I love and care for", I say. "Well I'll always be with you even if we do breakup I'm not going to leave you I wouldn't be able to ever leave you alone", he says chuckling. I laugh to and feel myself drifting asleep because I'm scared of never waking up again. Not with James there.

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                ~James Journal~

When she woke I was overjoyed. I didn't want to ever leave her and never will. I just wanted to hug her and never let her go. She felt the same way I just know it. Everyday I spend with her I can forget about the possibility of me dying in November. When I'm with her I'm carefree.

      Chloe got a new boyfriend I hope they last he's so good to her. Its Haydens stepbrother, Chloe said as soon as she see's Missy shes gonna tell her. Also Mark and Basilia are officially boyfriend girlfriend. I don't think Missy will like that but who knows he may have changed.