My Perfect Year

January 8th, 2014-Wednesday

I wake up to the sun shining through the hospital window. "I get to go home today!", I say excitedly. "You ready to go home", my mother asks walking into the hospital room. "Yes just let me get dressed in some real clothes", I say walking to the table that my clothes are laying on. "Ok, then I'll be right back. Just come out when your done because Cullen is waiting for you", my mom says and exists the room.

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After I get dressed, gather my stuff, and finish getting ready I open the door. "Hey boo", Cullen says as I open the door. "Hey that's my nickname for you", I say pouting. "Fine I'll just call you bae, bae", he says. "Better", I say. I grab the bag I put all my stuff in and exit the room. My mom is at the receptionist's desk paying for my stay and signing me out. Cullen and I begin to walk over. She finishes and walks towards us. "Are you going to visit James before we leave", my mom asks me as we head towards the exit. "Yes but I want to go in alone", I say looking at Cullen. "Missy I don't know if that a good idea", Cullen says looking at me with a pained expression. "To bad I'm going in alone. I don't want you guys going in with me. I want to be alone with James", I say.

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I walk into the room and close the door behind me. James is laying in the same position he was last time I saw him. As I walk over to him I start to cry. I pull up a chair next to his bed and sit down. Looking at him I cant tell if he'll be able to hear me or not. "Oh James. Why did you do it? I don't understand why you did it. So many people are here for you. You could have asked anyone to talk about whatever was bothering you and they would've. Drugs don't solve anything. I would think you of all people would know that. Come back to me please. Just please come back to me", I say as I cry more and more.

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When I leave his room I'm still crying some. Cullen hugs me tight and we walk to the car. As we get in the car my mom starts to cry. "Mom what's wrong? Why are you crying?", I ask. "I couldn't help him! I thought he was getting better and I thought he trusted me enough to talk about his feelings", she says as she drys her tears.

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The rest of the drive home was silent. We stop at Starbucks and I order my usual Double Chocolatey Chocolate Frappachino. My mom orders the same and Cullen gets some peppermint thing.

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We drop Cullen off at his house and he gives me my schoolwork. As we get closer to home I ask my mom to drop me off at Basilia's because she texted me saying to stop bye. I knock on the door. Basilia opens it. "Hey, your finally out of the hospital", she says. "Yup and I'm so done", I say walking into her weekday mansion. "Whys that?", she says closing the door to the house behind me. We plop down on one of the couches in her living room. "I don't know what to do regarding Cullen and James and you know the most regarding boys. Well you and Macy. Also you told me to stop by", I say. "Ok well you obviously need to figure out who's more of a friend and who is more boyfriend material", she says. "Thats to hard to decide I mean there both about equal for both categories", I say. "Ok then. Go home make a list of pros and cons about each boy then come back after school tomorrow and let me see it", Basilia says. "Ok and why aren't you in school today?", I ask. "Oh today was a snow day. We don't have to make it up though. Don't ask why because I have no clue", Basilia says. "Ok good", I say as I leave.

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I arrive home and go to my room and lock the door. I grab a pencil and paper and go over to my desk and sit down. I start to think about each boy and decide to do the pros first. I draw the charts and write some things down.