* ... *
I spoke into the walkie-talkie, ready to begin.
"It's time."
"Okay," I heard the other voice say through the static,"I'm in position."
I pulled up my hood and got my switchblade ready as I spotted my targets.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
We followed them "home", if you could even call it that. The thing looks like a fucking palace!
As they got out of the car, I could see one of the targets reach for a golden condom. The swiftly ran up the stairs and into the house.
"Ready?" I whispered.
"Yes," my partner replied,"ready."
My partner ran up to the door to ring the bell. I loud groan was heard from inside.
"Who... oh FUCK right there... who is it?"
She rang the doorbell another time.
"FUCKING HELL I'm cumming! I mean coming!"
As she opened the door, my partner sweetly spoke to the couple.
"Hi, I'm Bertha from Diamond Crest Condoms, and Ive been hearing your sexual activity a lot lately. So, if you take this survey, we will award you with a lifetime supply of Diamond Crest Condoms!"
I snuck up behind the bushes and watched as their faces lit up.
My partner brought them out to the porch so they could "do the survey."
I finally got behind them and whipped out my switch blade.
"DROP EVERYTHING AND GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" I screamed.
They threw themselves to the ground in fear.
"Fucking shit, man!" The guy screamed. He whipped out his cock. "You can have it if you want!"
I took my blade and chopped off his dick.
He groaned in pain.
"NO!" The girl screamed. "At least stick it inside me!"
I did the opposite. I began slicing at her 34 DD tits. She screamed in horror and agony.
"Bye, bitches!" my partner said as he drilled bullets to their heads.
Rest In Peace, Kait and Landon.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
*court jester*
The funeral was incredibly sad. There was no dick and no tits. Everyone, and I mean everyone showed up, including: their parents, the abortion man, the workers from Victoria's Secret, Mr. Dickinson, Mrs. Lickpuss, the pilots from when they went skydiving, the people who helped unfreeze Landon's dick, Dora (the housekeeper), the children and adults from the bat mitzvah, the priest, and almost everyone in the whole town. Even Mrs. Vagingo showed up!
It was an incredibly sad service with lots of tears. Landon and Kait, you will be missed.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a couple dressed in black, but casual clothes for a funeral.
"Hey, Fabio, we did it," one said.
"Yeah," said the other,"we did. Phoena, it was easier than I thought.
"It was," said the girl. "Long live the king."
