Scrapbooking Club// Cashton & Muke// COMPLETED

Scrapbooking Club: Chapter 24- His Letter to Him/Everything He Didn't Say

Above, I linked a youtube video by Casting Quarters thats an acoustic cover of Everything I Didn't Say. It fits this chapter and the boy in the cover has a higher voice just like Calum, so it fits the chapter pretty well.

*Edited

Calum's P.O.V.

Dear Ash,
It has been a week since you, Ashton Fletcher Irwin, my boyfriend, have died. I have not left my bed unless to use the bathroom. I have eaten only a small meal a day. I have not gotten over four hours of sleep each day.
Most of all, I have not gone to scrapbooking club since you left. I know you would want me to. I know the ladies there must miss me, but Ashton, I met you there. That was the reason we met. How can I go back to the reason we met?
When I went back to the hospital a day after I found out you had died, the doctor told me you had passed away due to heart failure and starvation.
Why, Ash?
Why did you have to go?
I thought you'd never leave me, but I guess I was wrong.
I'm not mad at you though. I'm not mad. I'm disappointed in myself, not you. I should've seen what was going on -what was happening with you- but I didn't. I'm sorry.
You were so beautiful, Ashton. God. So so beautiful. Everything about you. But you never saw that, you just saw the nonexistent imperfections on yourself.
I blame myself for your death. I was the reason you died. If I had just noticed that you really never ate and had been losing so much weight, you would be alive, because I could've helped you. I could've helped you! Would you have even let me help you, Ashton?
Hopefully you're happier wherever you are.
Maybe one day I'll be happy with you too.
You'll finally be the way you always wanted to be and I'll never have to hurt myself or have a panic attack again.
I'll be with you.
I miss you so much, Ashton, and I want to see you so bad.
But I can't.
I'm so sorry, Ash, but I can't die right now. I really want to see you, but I know you would want me to stay. You'd want me to be happy. You'd want me to fall in love again (even though it will never be the same as it was with you) and go to college and fall out of love and then find it again. You'd want me to get a career as whatever, whether it be a soccer player or bass guitarist (though I doubt it), and get married and have kids and the puppies that you always promised you'd get me one day.
I'm sorry, but please wait for me? I'll be up there with you one day. I'm sorry that I could've prevented this and I didn't. I'm so sorry.
I hope I can make you proud, Ashton. I promise that I will try to stop hurting myself because I know you'd be watching over me with tears on your cheeks if you saw me doing it. I promise to start taking my anxiety medication again. I promise to try to get better, for you, Michael, Luke and myself.
I love you, Ashton. Thank you for everything.
~Calum (aka Cal, Strawberry, yours)

I put the letter in the envelope and licked it shut, tucking the envelope under my arm.

I got out of my chair, my gloomy, baggy eyes looking around my room before standing up and walking to my door. I grabbed my coat and made sure my tux looked presentable, smoothing it out.

I walked out the door and down the stairs, giving my mum a quick kiss on the cheek before walking out the front door and hopping in the backseat of Michael's car.

"You ready, guys?" Michael asked, obviously trying to stay strong for me and Luke but failing as his voice cracked when he said "guys".

Luke rubbed his back and said yes. I nodded and looked out the window, not wanting to speak to anyone at that moment.

"How have you been holding up, Cal?" Luke's raspy and dry voice asked once we were a few minutes into the drive. I looked at him sitting in the front seat next to Michael. He was wearing a classic black suit and black tie with his hair quiffed, but of course, being Luke, he wore converse to top off the whole outfit.