DANGER // YOONMIN

19

everyday got worse,

the weight I felt after you died seemed to double after every hour that passed.

I was finally coming to terms that you were truly gone,

that you just ceased to exist.

i don't eat,

i don't talk,

because without you everything seems static, without color,

motionless.

it had only been a few day,

and already I had realized how much my life revolved around you.

whenever I was at the playground I would always expect you to pop out of nowhere,

to sit right next to me,

to start a conversation with me.

but that would never happen,

because you were gone.

gone,

what a simple word that never held much meaning to me,

but it gained so much more meaning after you died.

gone is such a strong thing to be,

and I wish that I hadn't of taken your existence for granted.

because i never thought that you wouldn't be there talking about everything you found interesting.

all I ever wanted to be was

with you.

and know you couldn't be with me anymore,

but that didn't mean that i had to stay away,

I could just join you sooner than anyone had ever anticipated.

how tragic,

two lovers,

one chronically depressed boy,

and another mentally ill boy.

a double suicide.

hopefully.

it was foggy, and slightly misting the day that I decided my time here was over,

and that I never belonged to this world,

so I was just simply doing the world a favor by leaving this accursed place.

I didn't know which way I wanted to go,

pills

or,

the gun.

in the end I chose the gun,

And the pills.

I would be leaving with a literal bang.

I placed a note on the window sill, smiling at the loops and curves,

my vision was beginning to blur,

and I knew it was time,

so I brought the gun up to my temple,

the cold metal contrasting with my feverish brow,

it was time.

my finger closed in on the trigger and with one last ragged breathe,

I pulled it.

there was a loud bang,

I felt myself jolt to the side and drop the instrument of my death,

I felt the warm sticky blood travel down my face,

and in that moment I felt more than I ever did in my entire life.

I felt real fear, in realization of what I had done,

The world was getting hazy, and suddenly I realized I made the wrong decision,

This isn't what you would have wanted, but it was too late,

We were both too late.

With a gentle thud, my head fell to the ground, and through my fuzzy vision two feet appeared in front of me,

But whoever it was, standing there, was too late as well.

fin.