DANGER // YOONMIN

13

"clouds."

you looked over at me and smiled, brushing your hair out of your face.

"I remember when I first told you about clouds, how they seemed to go through the life cycle of a human in a shorter amount of time.

that part wasn't a lie.

that was completely and utterly the truth.

but I didn't tell you the full truth, and I consider that to be a type of lying.

sure, it looks like the cloud goes through a life cycle, but do you know what it reminded me of in the end?

suicide.

it's like they keep building up their sadness, turning more gray as time passes, and that reminds me of depression,

you get sadder and sadder until it all becomes too much, and you cry, or you do something worse,

that's like the rain, crying is.

it's like a torrential breakdown.

and the thunder is the anger being released after it had been pent up for so long.

it's like lashing out at people after you become so sad that it's like nothing matters anymore.

and then there's the wind, 

and the clouds being blown everywhere.

the wind is the force that drove you so far down,

whether it be yourself, something else, or someone else.

it's the cause of this godforsaken curse.

it breaks the clouds up, maybe not at once, but eventually, everything ends in pieces.

and then the clouds just disappear, they become nonexistent.

suicide.

and that's why I enjoy the clouds so much, but that's not the reason I brought this up.

I didn't come here just to tell you why I find beauty in the clouds, I came here to tell you about suicide.

moreover, my attempts of it, but I must warn you that you will not find out the cause for my urge to do what we were told not to do, you'll have to wait until I finish explaining everything to you.

in total, I had about four attempts."

I must have looked shocked because you stopped talking and stared at me.

you reached your hand up and pushed my jaw up and continued.

"they weren't such a big deal,

mostly it was because of people making fun of me,

but most of all it was because I hated that I couldn't be normal,

I hated who I had become,

I hated who I had become with every fiber in my being."

after the last sentence you got up and left, occasionally you would look back at me, and hide a small smile that appeared on your face.

how could I have not realized your motive behind telling me about the clouds the first time?

now that I look back at it, things all make sense.