DANGER // YOONMIN

9

there comes a certain time in your life

that you question everything you've done,

all the great things, and all of the stupid things, and all the mediocre things that don't really deserve to be remembered.

after you left my house for the third time today, everything hit me at once.

I had been ignoring you for something that I didn't necessarily know if it was true.

I had been ignoring you because maybe your name was Woo Hyun and not Jimin.

I had been ignoring you because I thought that I wasn't the only one who you had ensnared in your beautiful delicate hands.

and I realized that although they were valid reasons to maybe be somewhat angry, they were not legitimate reasons for me to give you the cold shoulder.

and I had also realized that crushes bring out the petty side in people, they cause people to pick apart minuscule errors and transform them into something much more than they really were.

i decided that it would be the right time to apologize for ignoring you and to finally discuss what had been bothering me this whole week that we had not been in each other's company.

so I walked out of my house and back to the playground that I had become so familiar with.

you were sitting in the middle of the chaotic children, but this time there was something different about the way you looked.

your posture was slouched and your eyes dimmed.

your clothes were darker than what I had become accustomed to, and your hair was flying all over the place. 

I sat next to you just like I had the week before and remained silent.

I decided I wouldn't press you for details because deep down I still cared about you.

"I thought you would never come back,"

your voice sounded thick as if you had just been crying.

I just nodded and waited, and suddenly you began to write.

you were scribbling words on every line of the paper as quickly as you could.

when it appeared that you were done you handed me the paper and ran off.

I clutched the paper in my hand, afraid to see what you had written, afraid to see if my suspicions were true.

but my reverie suddenly broke and I read the whole thing.

"I have decided that I should probably tell you the truth because yoongi, I have lied to you. in the time you were away I pondered how I would tell you,

what I would tell you,

and I came up with this idea,

each day I will tell you about something I lied about, and you can ask me anything that you want to about it.

meet me at the park tomorrow, our usual time.

I missed you a lot, yoongi. and I think you made me realize how much I took this sweet boy who would spend his time with me, and drop everything for me, for granted.

and I'm sorry that I lied, but I can't help it, and you'll find out why because it's the last thing I'll tell you.

and maybe you'll think I'm a freak, or maybe you'll accept me, but I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always have feelings that I can't wish away, for you."

"okay," I whispered to no one in particular.

I kept repeating that word.

okay.

because is seemed as though you grasped how I felt when I found out you lied,

because if I kept repeating it, maybe everything would be okay,

and we could go back to being friends,

And it would be okay,

but,

it was all still a game to you.