WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

Seventeen

Silvia Matt's POV

Meanwhile during the lunch hour on Tuesday, I sneaked into the dark school office, and ruffled over the bunch of papers and books piled on the table in search of the year's registration book.  I found it at the bottom on the heap and wrenched it open, looking down the names that match S.M.  I had tried asking my friends about anyone obvious with the initials S.M., but couldn't find anyone suspicious.

Sam Mullin

Scott Merrick

Steve Marshall

Simon McKay

Sean Martin

Seth Matthews...

And the list goes on and on and on.

Oh nooooo!  I put a hand on her head.  I know all of these guys.  I have seen them all but...but who was the one who wrote me this letter.  Oh no!  I wondered if I should inform this to Chase.  But on the other hand, I wondered what he'd think if he knew.  

Of course he'd be angry.  No wonder if he found this stalker and threw him back at the wall, beating him up.  My Chase would do that.  I stood there dreamily, a smile plastered on my lips, when I heard footsteps outside the abandoned office room.  It must be an office staff.  I ducked behind the high teak desk and snuck down.  Thankfully, the footsteps receded, and i guessed it probably must have been some sneaky kid out there.

I quickly noted all the names my poor eyes could catch in the dark, and hurried out.  Chase must be waiting for me in the canteen.  

As I was about to step into the canteen, Sean Martin unnoticingly rushed out with one of his friends, and my head was jarringly stricken by his elbow.  I winced in pain, and my hand automatically went up to massage my head.  Couldn't he have been more careful?

"Whoa, whoa!--"  Sean retreated back with guilt.  I glared up at him. 

"What the hell, man?" I scowled accusingly.

"My bad!  Sorry."  he coolly announced and smiled crookedly.  I scowled once more and waited for him to give my way into the canteen, since we were standing at the door and blocking others too.  Becky Corner was arriving behind me, and had been impatiently tapping her foot for several seconds, while I snapped at Sean.  But he stood there staring at me, and taking in my face.  Sean Martin was handsome with those mahogany hair and eyes that had a shade of the sea during sunrise, although he isn't any competition to Chase.  He's a junior, just like me, and is in the basketball team.

"Um, Silvia?  Are you alright now?  So how are you?  So how's life going?  How did the English lecture go today?  Can I help you in Biology.  I heard you're failing in it, and my friends say I'm pretty good at it." he asked cheekily, mostly confusing me with all these odd questions at inappropriate times.  I know he likes me, but...he's never come up to say anything to me.  "Hello?"  he waved a hand at my unfocused face, and I snapped back to reality.  What was he doing?  Waiting for an answer, I concluded myself.  

"Ahem!"  I cleared my throat.  "I'm good.  Thanks for the offer; I'll get to you when I need help." I streaked a smile at him, which seemed to kind of impress him. With that I excused myself and pushed my way into the canteen.  Someone giggled behind me, and when I looked back, it was Big Headed Becky Corner.  I sneered openly at her, and she effortlessly smirked it away.  

But wait!  Huh?????  Realization hit me with a great force.  What is this thing with Sean.  Sean Martin.  S.M.??  Could it be him?  Omigod, Omigod!  I put a hand on my head again, as my head squealed with pain.  I'd been thinking about this since yesterday evening when I saw this letter.  Should I go straight ask him.  That's when I spotted Chase at the very corner of the lunch room, holding his lunch tray.  I waved at him, and he smiled, flashing his teeth.  Whoa!  This time his smile just melted my heart.  Why doesn't he smile like this all the time?  

But then his gaze wasn't on me.  It was pivoted on someone else.  Becky Corner!  My hands clumped into a fist and my teeth grinded themselves.  Why the hell was he smiling at her?  Becky noticed Chase's eyes on her, and quickly dropped her gaze to the floor, flushing all shades of pink.  Why is this girl poking her nose into my business all the time?  

"Excuse me?" I mouthed boldly, and hardly grasped her elbow.  "That's my boyfriend."  I whispered, sending daggers at her before stamping off to him.  Chase looked taken aback at my act, but he didn't seem to have heard anything of what i'd said to her.  I didn't look back at her after that.  I gave a quick hug to Chase, mostly as a warning not to ever look her way again.  

Becky Corner!  What is she doing to Chase?  MY Chase!  Of course, she isn't beautiful, nor does she dress well.  She doesn't have a taste in anything good.  There's no way Chase likes her.  Probably, he was just being kind to a witty friend of his sister.  My shoulders slumped in relief.  But again, there are other useless people like her, and they've never bothered Chase's mind.  Why her?

***

On Tuesday, during the lunch hour, Becky kept fidgeting nervously with her fingers, restless.  She very often glanced our way, though she ate at a table in the middle of the canteen, while Chase and I were at the very corner.  We were separated by loads of screaming and entertained kids.  Unfortunately, something stupid was happening to me, and I kept spitting out my food constantly.  It was so embarrassing having Chase watch me with such disgusted eyes.  My spaghetti got dropping down on the table, and I just couldn't push it down my throat.  It magically fell out of my mouth every time.  I guess I was sick.  

And I couldn't find Sean Martin anywhere around me.  I didn't know why this was bothering me, but if S.M. is going to be him, then he must be simply flirting around me somewhere here. 

***

After Noah's party on Saturday night, I went straight to Chase's home as planned earlier.  I was so pleased.  Noah's house was a large one, though not as big as mine.  His parents were away, and I think most people got drunk really well.  Chase and I walked to his home, down the chilly lonely streets.  We held hands, and I wish that hadn't ended, because the sky was studded with the diamond-y stars and I just couldn't take my eyes off them, just like Chase couldn't take his eyes off me.  But the way he smiles at me is nothing like the adoring smile he shot at Becky on Monday.  A sudden pitch of anger emerged inside me, and I literally glared up into Chase's face.  All I wanted was to punch Becky on the face and watch her get hurt.  I'm seriously very hungry to do that.

And when we were at his house, there she was.  Becky Corner!  Laughing with Kimberly.  What was she doing here?  Of course, I knew the answer.  She's Kimberly's friend.  I glowered at her before I went upstairs with Chase, and she scowled back.  

When we lodged into Chase's cozy room, he looked at me face and sprang back in terror.  "Silvi, what happened to you?  What happened to your face?"  he breathed and took one more step back.  I touched my face in surprise, wondering what had happened.  My face felt normal and I was unable to understand what he was talking about.  He quickly pushed me to the mirror, still in horror, and what I saw there terrorised me.  My dark red lipstick was smeared all over my face in a very ugly way.  My nose suddenly felt itchy under the lipstick marks and my hands immediately shot up to smudge the stain.  How had this happened?  How had this happened?  Oh god, what's happening?  Life can't be more embarrassing.  Anger surged once again inside me and I knew I was getting mad.

Even when I walked out of Noah's house, I checked my mobile in the selfie view if I looked alright, and I'd looked just as angelic as ever.  But then how had this happened?

After rumbling his hands in the cupboards, Chase handed me a tissue, which I gratefully used to hell with the red smears.  He grumpily sat back on his bed and examined my face thoughtfully for a moment.  "You know what?"  he started, his voice unsure like he's doing a mistake by trying to say something to me, "I find girls beautiful when they don't wear any makeup.  You know," he swivelled his arms up, as if trying to explain something deep, "what do I call it?  The natural beauty?"

I shot a glance at him, the tissue still nonchalantly rubbing over my mouth as the streaks seem to be etched permanent.  I gritted my teeth at him, a bundle of irritation tugging inside me.