Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

David Bowie x Guitar

A/N: IT'S NEARLY 1K VIEWS OMG IT'S LIKE 999 MORE THAN I'VE EXPECTED THANK YOU GUYS N ALL!

All credit goes to Ilikethewho for a perfect story request.

Live really, did you know that David Bowie performed oral or something on Mick Ronson's guitar? Awesome. 

+ This oneshot is fucked up and I've already lost myself oh well

Enjoy!

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Once upon a time there was David Bowie who fucked half of the world. But this score wasn't satisfying him so he tried to beat it.

Very unsatisfying, really.

Unfortunately, Jagger didn't want to spread his legs, Slash's mother was busy, so Bowie was left alone. Shame.

So he went out very disappointed to walk sadly through the street. Rain poured from the sky. Very heartbreaking scenery. Walking from station to station. Somewhere in the background Yoko Ono ran on a Godzilla.

Suddenly David ran onto his mate who he was recording one of his albums with - Mick Ronson. 

"Bowie!" screamed musician. "It's been a while! What's up?"

"Actually we saw each other one week ago."

"...right. Nevermind. How are you?"

Davis sighed and decided to tell all of his problems to his friend.

#Bowie'sProblems #That'sWhyWeAllLoveHim

Mick smiled very wide. And then told him in a secret that he's running a brothel. What a plot twist! You didn't expect that. Bowie either. But he smiled and patted his shoulder. "Lead the way."

So they walked in - epic Ronson's brothel. 

The inside was very luxurious. Here and there some dwarfs were wandering around, carrying bowls full of a cocaine. David also ran onto some musician fellows.

"You're having fun right here," he said. You didn't know him from this side.

"Okey," Mick led him to the end of a corridor. "I've got room number nine for you. Have fun ; ))" After those words he left.

Bowie sat on a bad, waiting.

He waited.

And waited.

And finally he got bored. Omg David Bowie got bored, everyone run away, hide your children. 

He sneaked out of the room, looking around attentively. But no one was around. He took a peek into the another room. Opened. He pushed the door gently. It was Mick Ronson's office - nothing interesting. He was just about to leave, when suddenly something caught his attention, stopping him.

Mick's guitar.

David's head filled with all dramatic flashbacks from that day.

That day. The day he won't forget 'til he dies. The day of a memorable concert when he performed an oral on this guitar. It was great. The moosician wanted to repeat this.

He decided to take advantage of the situation, knowing this chance won't be given to him again.

He simply fucked Ronson's guitar.

Suddenly Bowie heard footsteps on the corridor and panicked. He took his instrument and jumped through the window. Great idea. You've just stolen your friend's guitar. Are you proud of yourself?

But Mick realized what has happened and soon he started very dramatic pursuit. 

Panicked David Bowie ran into Jagger's house.

"What the hell are you doing here? Whose this guitar is?" asked Mick instead of good morning.

"Long backstory. We met a few years ago on a stage."

Their happy conversation and growing jealousness of his boyfriend was interrupted by loud banging on the door.

"BOWIE, YOU FUCKER, OPEN, I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!" Ronson screamed.

"Shit."

Still dramatic pursuit! Dick Bagger were running away with an instrument on an ostrich and Mick Ronson was chasing him with a borrowed Magical Mystery Bus.

And finally he got to him.

Suddenly wild Marilyn Monroe appeared right in the middle of this whole scene, ate a rose and went away. Idk

And when Mick was just about do kill Davy and it looked like nothing more can stop him, Slash's mother came to the rescue and distract Ronson.

So Dick Bagger ran together with a guitar towards the sunset. They've survived through all of this together. Happy ending n' all. 

But then jealous Mick Jagger made David Bowie choose: him or a guitar. But this choice was really hard and cruel and depressed David couldn't do it and died bohoo.

Mick Jagger travelled to continue David's work and fuck the rest of the world. 

THE END