Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Lennison

(A/N: Who loves Lennison as much as me? No one? Oh...
  But anyway. This ship is good, but they would never be together. Like, they would murder           each other.
  So here's the story about Lennison murdering each other.
  Enjoy!
  And by the way... THANK YOU FOR 200 VIEWS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. KEEP ON READING. <3 Love y'all)

--

Ways to kill John Lennon

Once upon a time there was sweet, loving and happy couple, the most beautiful couple you could imagine – John Lennon and GeorgeHarrison.

Lol nope.

The biggest Paul's and Ringo's mystery was how they could stand being together without killing each other. No one knew it.

It was 1965 and The Beatles were making movie ''Help!", because they hoped that Ringo will accidentally die while shooting.

How nice of them.

A brand new day begun and sunlight was pouring from the window, lightning two lovers laying together in bed, waking them up. George smiled gently and hugged his boyfriend, burying nose in his back,saying to him good morning. Everything was so calm.

And thenthey argued.

About the freaking curtains' color.

All the romantic atmosphere went to hell.

That's how John Lennon caused George's butt hurt for the second time since yesterday. But now metaphorically only.

Finally, Jawn told him to fuck himself, packed his things and went out, slamming the doors.

''Oh no, this fucker has crossed the line," Joj told to himself, sittingin an empty room. He wanted to drink something, make him numb, chee rhimself a bit, but decided to not. Because if he drank every time he argued with Lennon, he would die of alcohol poisoning, that is.

So instead, he took a notebook and started to writing his plans, how to kill John Lennon.


* * *


Attempt no. 1


They were shooting the scene in a Hindu restaurant.

George leaned down to the big pot of soup in the kitchen, as he had to, and when nobody was looking, slipped a cyanide in it.

He, John and Ringo sat down at the table and Paul went to dance with that Hindu girl, because no one in this move was giving a single fuck that Ringo was going to die. Cute. Meanwhile, John started to eat. No one cared about two strange guys with knives, talking about sacrificing Ringo, because why not.

Harrison wasn't eating. He was watching.

''What's this? Glasses?" Jawn asked, pulling the glasses out of the soup.

Comeon, fucking eat it, thought George.

Lennon raised a spoon to his mouth. ''What's this?" He asked, the second time.

''A season ticket. What do you think it is?" Answered Ringo.

Ohfor fuck's sake.

Andthen the Hindu guy cut the entire table in half. Fuck that business.

Attempt no. 2

They were shooting a fight scene in their home.

Everyone was murdering each other, screaming KAAILII, red paint flying here and there, Ringo doing some weird stuff. You know, typical Beatles'movie.

George jumped to John and started choking him.

''It's me, you fool!'' Lemon shouted.

''Sorry.''

''Then stop it!''

In the answer, Harrison choked him harder.

And then another Kaili guy came and fucked up his plan.

Attempt no. 3

They were in the Alps, shooting ''Ticket to Ride" scene, where they were showing off their great skiing skills. That's when Joj saw another occasion.

Lennon was standing lonely at the hilltop, looking into the distance with a melancholy, thinking about life's sense or something. He looked like he was missing George... okay, who am I kidding, George's ass.

Anyway, Harrison threw away hissentiments and pushed John off the top.

He started to tumble down, surprised, bumping painfully. Finally, his shouts silenced. Paul and Ringo ran to him with a panic.

It turned out that John survived and was just a bit battered.

''Fuck,'' swore disappointed Harrison.

Attempt no. 4

The Beatles were singing songs outside, surrounded by the tanks and military.

Then the fight started and they ran away, followed by an enemies' tank.

But John stumbled.

Before the bassist and percussist came to help him, George moved closer.

''Die," he said and kicked him in the ass.

Unfortunately, the tank stopped. Shame.

Attempt no. 5

George tried to push him out of the window in the palace.

Attempt no. 6

George tried to run him down with a car.

Attemptno. 7

Georgewas so frustrated. Nothing worked. John was still alive.

Andthat idiot didn't realize that Harrison was trying to kill him.

Finally, Joj thought that he sucks in killing and it'll be better if he'll employ the contract killer. He could do it, he had fucking lots of money, no big deal.

So he did it and went to the beach, when the rest was standing. They've already ended the shooting and could rest in Bahamas a bit.

John saw him and said something to Paul and Ringo. He insecurely came George with apologetic face.

''Joj...'' He looked at him with his big, brown, pleading eyes. And started to apologize. Beg him to come back. To be happy together again. Harrison's heart, filled with want to kill, started to melt.

''Will you forgive me, Harri?'' Asked Lennon at the end. McCartney and Starkey raised their thumbs behind John's back. George made a decision.

''Yes, Lenny!'' He threw himself in lover's arms, kissing him, smiling with pure happiness. ''I missed you so mu-''

BOOM.

John's head exploded like a melon.

Harrison stood in a shock, covered in blood. Shit, he forgot about the killer. And he has done his job.

Congratulations, George.

Harrison thought about committing a suicide to be with his lover again, but he decided it isn't worth it and made a happy couple with Paul. #McHarrisonHooray

And Rungo was alone again.

No one missed John.

THE END