Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Jimbert

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day, folks!

If you celebrate it alone, here, have at least this shit to cheer you up and remember that we all love those idiots from classic rock 💜

Enjoy!

--

Once upon a time there was beautofol princess called Bob... I mean Robert Plant. He was son of king and queen of Lemonsqueezeland, their only child, who soon would become a queen, to rule his country wisely.

But Robert didn't want to be the queen. he didn't want the throne, the crown and all this shit. He dreamed of becoming the rock star and joining some band. He dreamed of rock n roll.

But his parents disagreed w this and locked up the rebellious boy in a tower protected by Yoko Ono on a Godzilla lol.

"call us when u'll change your mind," they said and just  z Iwalked away.

Parents of the year. ♡

So our little Plantie was sitting like this, bored af, and growing his loofah plantation all day.He had a lot of loofah. His hair, majestic, beautiful,, tender, soft, golden, shining, sparkly locks were becoming longer and longer. The princess didn't cut it- those locks were too precious for the scissors.

One ugly, stormy day, when Robert was singing "O Fortuna" in the shower and Yoko Ono and Godzilla made out somewhere in the backroung, he heard a voice.

"Beautiful princess, I came to rescue you!"

"Am I hallucinating again? No way, my hallucinogenic mushrooms didn't grow yet,,"he said 2 himself.

"Beautiful princess!"

no, this voice was real.

"Beautiful princess, answer me! It's me, your saviour!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!" screamed Plant looking thru the window. "I'M TAKING SHOWER U PERV!"

"I'm sorry, beautiful princess! Can I reascue you when you'll finish?"

Robert looked at this guy carefully. It was a knight w a shining armor and a white horse. He had a wild wave of dark curls, handsome face, mysterious, deep blue eyes... he looked amazing. In this very moment Gay Fairy came from the sky and hit Plantie's head with a dildo wand, making him homosexul. He was now homosexul. Yus.

"On a second thought..... yes you can!"

Stranger's face was lightened up by a bright smile. "Okay! Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb thy golden stair.'

Robert looked at him like at an idiot. "But I want to GO DOWN!"

....."oh okay so climb down by your hair?"

"Wait it's genius!" Our main hero somehow climbed down by his golden hair, str8 (not exactly teehee) into the knight's embrance.
The man smiled. "what is your name,, my saviour?"

"It's Jimmy Page."

"Great, mine's Robert"

And then they had secks... well, no, not really, because in this moment Yoko Ono on a Godzilla stopped making out. Moutains shooks when the beast roared. Wave of fear paralyzed two men's hearts.

"What was dat?"

"RUN AWAY! IT'S MY GUARD! TERRIBLE MONSTER! Oh, and Godzilla!"

They quickly jumped on a white horse to get away. But the monster was right behind them, destroing everything on its way, roaring in fury, closer, closer. Death was right behind Robert and Jimmy, they heard its merciless breath on their backs.

"Shit, we're gonna die!" Plantie screamed in panic.

Just a few feet away. Just a moment. Robert hugged Jimmy tightly

And then Godzilla stopped, turning its head. She saw George Harrison sitting on da bench, eating his biscuits with passion. "i sniff cookez." said Yoko, smiking viciously and ran to Geo.

The fight was quick and very bloody. Harrisun wiped da crimson off his face."Don't. Ever. Toucha. My. Cookies."

SOMEBODY TOUCHA HIS COOKIS

then he looked at Jimmy and Robert. "You too," he sad; and then went away.

Silence.

"We- we made it," Robert cried, throwing his arms around Jimmoh's neck. The two men looked each other in da eyes; Plantie fel very warm and safe, looking into the knight's orbs. "Hey..."

In this moment Page gasped.

A bottle of Jack Daniels... Holy Grail... just like this, in the sky, shining with all of its majesty.

Jimmy Page threw Robert Plant tp the trash.

"I don't need you, bye."

~

Waves crashed into the Titanic ship, sailing through the ocean, from England to South America. Jimmy Page stood on the stern, holding graceful bottle of Jack Daniels,, with song "My Heart Will Go One" by Celine Dion in the background.

#RomanticAf

those were the happiest days of two lovers' lives (does bottles of whiskey live??) anyway yes they were happy.

Jimmoh painted Jack Daniels naked, without the label of the bottle. They also had sex in the car - yes, exactly, Page put it up his arsehole. And they danced and ate and planned happy life.

People looked at him like at an idiot. Well.... he talked to da alcohol. he didnt drink and was drunk already xD

Everything was beautiful

Bonzo: I'm here, too *waves* And Jonesy too but we all in this fandom think he's too shy to talk

🌈💜🚢

Until the indeed unsinkable ship crashed into the iceberg and it turned out that Titanic can actually sink

And then Jimmy died.

Well, at least Robert was free.

THE END~