Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Nick Mason x Crustless Pie

A/N: I have no idea why haven't I shipped this before.

Thanks conceptalbumhorsie for awesome request!

Enjoy!

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Once upon a time there was Nick Mason, a mason and member of the one and only Roger Waters' Fan Club. He was known for his excellent drum talent- oh, who am I kidding, for his hatred to crusty pie.

It was caused by a dramatic event in his childhood, when crusty pie has murdered the three generations of his entire family. From that moment Mason despised crusts on pies deeply.

Nick got up, fixed his purfect mustache and went to the studio, to be a background to the godly Roger Waters' play.

In the studio, typical Floyd's day, Waters was screaming at Gilmour — who the hell has invited him here? — and Syd was doin drugs in the corner. Mortified Nick sat at his drum kit, when suddenly Rick came.

"Hoi," he saided. "Because I'm a smol bean, or at least the fandom thinks so, I've baked you a pie."

"Pie!" screamed everyone, except of Barrett, who mumbled something about lactic fermentation.

Mason was the first one to the cake. But happiness in his eyes was soon replaced by a disgust.

"No!" he shouted, ripped a pan from Richard's hand and threw it at the wall (at least not on THAT ONE PRECIOUS WALL, bc he would be dead). Everyone looked at him, shocked; their good-natured drummer went crazy.

"NO CRUSTS ON A PIE!"

He engraved those words on the wall. On a ceilig. EVERYWHERE.

There was a silence.

Rick started to cry and ran away to his cats. Roger Waters killed Nick with his gaze.

"What have you done?!" He ran to comfort smol keyboardist bc #Rick_x_Roger_is_Real

"I'm crawling in a larval stage through a Big Ben's ceiling," announced Syd.

* * *

Nick came back to his house, racked with guilt; he didn't want to make anyone feels bad. But in the same time he didn't want to tell the guys his darkest secret.

Finally, haunted by those thoughts, he fell asleep.

Mason had a nightmare. He dreamt about crusty pies. He was running away from them, but they appeared everywhere. Every-fuckin-where. The drummer couldn't hide. He got down on his knees and screamed.

And then he woke up.

"Enough," said the drummer to himself. "This spiral of madness has to end now."

He decideded to go 2 Rick and apologize. Unfortunalety, Wright wasn't home. But he knew where to find him.

In Roger's house ; )))

Wonder what were they doing there ; )))

So he went to Roger's villa's door and was just about to knock, when something drew his attention and made his heartbeat much faster.

There was a pie, lying on a windowsill in a kitchen. Apple pie. Without a crust. Mason gasped. It was the most bootiful pie he has ever seen. But it belonged to Waters. In one second he made very mature decision.

He came through the chimney and stole pie.

Congrats, Nick.

Judging from the sounds coming from the bedroom, Roger Waters didn't even notice.

The drummer went to his house as if nothing has happened and put the apple pie on a table. He looked at it. It was so beautiful, so majestic... Mason fell in love. He hugged the pie carefully.

The very romantic moment was interrupted by Roger Waters,,who stormed into the house with a baseball barb coated in barb wire, kicking the door. "My pie, you fucker!"

"Damn," mumbled Nick, knowing that he's gonna die.

They started to argue about this very special apple pie, laying calmly on a table. Finally, the musicians compromised, deciding to split the pie in half.

They turned around.

There was no cake.

Only George Harrison licking his fingers.

"Umm... hi?"

Nick and Roger united to kill him (Rungo cried much) and bake another pie.

Without a crust, of course.

THE END